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S
scribbler
Jul 07, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Working With Japanese Poetry

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HOT DAY THOUGHTS (Japanese shop Tanka)

On hot summer days
my mind drifts back to the past
fishing beaver ponds
with my departed brother
to escape the heat

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Of the Japanese forms covered so far I think this one allows the most freedom in expression

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

S

scribbler

12 years 11 months ago

hi Ron

It took a while to come up with a short write that had some nature,imagery and emotive content. Thanks for visiting.............stan

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 11 months ago

Gently poignant,

yes, it does evoke a mood and imagery. I'd say you've nailed it, mate.

S

scribbler

12 years 11 months ago

Hi Jess

You sound surprised lol. I guess I Can write without ambling along so much if forced to. Thanks for coming by.............stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 11 months ago

Stan

You have brought a load of things to the mind with a few words, and as usual a memory of something that you carry with love,
Yours Ian.T

S

scribbler

12 years 11 months ago

hello Ian

Thank you for such kind comment................stan

judyanne

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

i'm not in the workshop

but i just want to say that you have here a really good cutting line stan
well done
great word usage also, that elicits images that cause an emotive response - exactly what the form is supposed to do

nothing here to crit
love judy
xxx

S

scribbler

12 years 11 months ago

Hi "J"

Even a blind hog finds an occasional acorn lol. I'm glad you came by and took time to read my 1st tanka........stan

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

12 years 11 months ago

Stan

I knew you could do it. and your first Tanks is wonderful. the imagery is fine tune standing out like a art piece put to painting.

S

scribbler

12 years 11 months ago

Hi

Could not have done it without this shop to show me how...............stan

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

12 years 11 months ago

Stan

makes me happy to know the workshop helped you:)