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Sep 19, 2023
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This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week September 17th to September 23rd 2023
How long?
How long until I am no longer lost in the middle of longing,
How long until I am no longer trapped by a sense of ill belonging,
How long until I receive the rewards that I am not entitled,
How long until my full potential becomes unbridled,
How long until success breathes down and makes the hair's stand on the back of my neck,
How long until I find the reason suffering is clinging onto my lifes deck,
How long until I find the one to love,
How long until I realize that some priorities are well above,
How long until I dont dread another sunrise,
How long until I know some things are more than what I was fed in school to memorize,
How long until I appreciate my mental depths enough to share with the world,
How long until I find an equal to share my life with in the pursuit of truth,
How long until I realize that this is not as important to me than when I was a youth,
How long until I can accept being alone,
How long until I know that I can conquer these mountains on my own.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 9 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "How long?" explores the theme of longing, belonging, and personal growth. The repetition of the phrase "How long until" creates a sense of anticipation and longing throughout the poem. The poem also touches upon the desire for success, love, self-acceptance, and the pursuit of truth.
One suggestion for improvement is to consider varying the structure and rhythm of the poem. Currently, each line follows a similar pattern of starting with "How long until." While this repetition can create a sense of emphasis, it can also become predictable and monotonous for the reader. Experimenting with different line lengths, sentence structures, and poetic devices such as enjambment or internal rhyme could add more musicality and depth to the poem.
Additionally, some of the lines could benefit from more specific and vivid imagery to engage the reader's senses and create a stronger emotional impact. For example, instead of saying "How long until success breathes down," you could consider using more descriptive language to
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact