KINGZOMBIE

Mar 09, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

"Humanity Fall"

Sons of the planets collide with the sky,
some meet with the ozone, they burn up and die.

Looking up to the heavens with emerald eyes,
watching as the world ignites and dries.
The grass was once green now turned to sand,
a hole in the earth leaves no life in the land.

First with a scream, then a quiet mumble,
I sit on a hill and witness cities turned rubble.

No more animals alive in the wild,
no more people all is defiled.
Now only whispers speak to our soul,
everything gone, the Titan took toll.

The world has found peace, its true peace for all,
as I sat on this hill and watched humanity fall.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Favorite Poets: I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also, for I find it to be of great inspiration.These are lyrics to a song by Monster Magnet called Ozium, it never fails to put me in the writing mood and thought I would share it, lol., " I'm up to my brain in the mire of an ancient swamp, Pteranadon smiles at me and flies up to god, Baby let me drink deep from your globes of reality, Writhe your naked ass to the mindless groove, baby give your tongue a taste and follow me up to my room, the bullgod has your head, and baby thats just fine, now it is time, we became the mighty cell, wrap those hungry jacks? to the mindless groove, they say we've got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, baby, the faster you gyrate the faster we'll be there, arms up overhead, a goddess in the ancient song, work that mighty world to the mindless groove, they say weve got a life time but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, they say weve got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied I will not be denied"

Comments

Ayaz Warith

14 years 4 months ago

Dear Mathew, I do not want to

Dear Mathew, I do not want to criticize for I liked the entire piece. I dont know why I love these lines...
"The grass was once green now turned to sand,
a hole in the earth now no life in the land."
Regards
Ayaz

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Its Ok, lol

I'm sure I will get enough critique for this later, lol.I'm glad you liked it.I don't know why you liked those lines either, lol, but am happy that they spoke to you:-)

Blue_Halcyon

14 years 4 months ago

Zombie

I enjoyed this poem, and I hope I never see this day.

I do have one suggestion: stanza 3, line 4
everything gone, the Titan has taken its toll. (I figured this would go along with the "sons of the planet" theme a little better).

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you

I agree, and will use it.Thank you, I'm glad you liked it and I hope you never see this day as well.

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

fall

This is the first I've read here on the world being cleansed by an asteroid strike. I enjoyed the perspective and wonder if the dinosaurs had such feelings when their world ended. I have a suggestion you might consider to smooth out line 8 :
First with a scream and a cry, then a quiet mumble...........................scribbler

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you

I liked your suggestion, I played with it a little.Hope its a little smoother now.Thank you.

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Dear KZ,

I fear that we will kill off our world with all the abuse we have inflicted upon her. The question is, have we passed the point of no return. I liked these lines:

No more animals alive in the wild,
no more people not even a child.
Now only whispers speak to our soul,
everything gone, Titan has taken its toll.

The world has found peace, its true peace for all,
as I sat on this hill and watched humanity fall.

always, Cat

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thanks Cat

I changed a few things, I hope you still like it with the changes.I think the world is just fine, its lasted a very long time already.Thanks for comment Cat:-)

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thanks Bee

Your suggestions helped to smooth it out quite a bit, thank you.

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thanks Shirl:-)

Those first lines of this poem are my favorite.Out of all the endings for our blue gem that we all live on, this one is the one that most definitely will happen,much like our pock marked moon, the earth has been hit many times before and will be hit again.All the talk of 2012 is rubbish, there is an asteroid that will pass us closely in 2012 but it will not hit.The real worry is when it comes back around, it will be much closer then.I imagine that your lunch with the astrophysicist was an interesting one, and it would have been a great joy for me to have had a lunch like that.I'm glad you enjoyed this poem Shirl, thanks for commenting.