The Hungry Grass

…. I will scratch these lines through limestone
in dry spells and torrents of acid rain. Shapes large,

shapes small will scratch in hunger
for one whispered letter. The drill bits, brutal and crooked,

will scratch out another bit of vowel, one more perch for the owls.
Your name; significance sandblasted by time. Your name--

made meaningless by time-- bent, insane!

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Susan Howe, Michael Palmer, Charles Baudelaire, Poetry is a freakish jazz. It is intended to be lived, not to be the plaything of a University., I would rather get down and write with you guys without plastering my whole bibliography on here..given that is pretty big.

Comments

neopoet

5 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Hungry Grass" demonstrates an effective use of imagery and metaphor, creating a vivid picture of the destructive power of time and the impermanence of human existence. The use of words such as "limestone", "acid rain", "drill bits", and "sandblasted" contribute to a harsh, abrasive tone that reinforces the theme of erosion and decay.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance its musicality and readability. The irregular line lengths and inconsistent stress patterns can be disorienting for the reader, making it difficult to follow the poem's flow and understand its message.

The phrase "shapes large, shapes small shapes large" is somewhat confusing. It's unclear what these shapes represent and why they are changing in size. Clarifying this metaphor or replacing it with a more concrete image could improve the poem's clarity and impact.

The transition from the physical imagery of the first few lines to the abstract concept of a "whispered letter" and a "meaningless" name is abrupt and could be smoothed out to create a more cohesive narrative. Providing more context or explanation for these symbols could make the poem more accessible and meaningful to readers.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more developed exploration of its central theme. While the idea of erosion and impermanence is introduced, it is not fully fleshed out or connected to a larger message or insight. Adding more lines or stanzas to expand on this theme could give the poem greater depth and resonance.

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