Hymn of the Bees...

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Hymn of the Bees" is a light-hearted piece that employs a conversational tone and a playful rhythm. It effectively captures the morning routine of bees and subtly parallels it to the human morning routine, thereby creating a sense of unity between nature and humanity.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. The first stanza follows an AABB pattern, while the second and third stanzas deviate from this. Consistency in the rhyme scheme could enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

The poem also uses a mix of direct address and third-person perspective. The shift from addressing the bees directly in the first stanza to talking about them in the third person in the second stanza can be a bit jarring. Maintaining a consistent perspective throughout the poem could help to create a more cohesive narrative.

Lastly, the phrase "for a perfect heed" in the second stanza is somewhat unclear. If the intention is to convey the idea of paying careful attention to the morning routine, a more straightforward phrase might be more effective.

Overall, the poem has a charming premise and a delightful tone. By addressing these areas, it could become even more engaging and enjoyable for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Chirpy and Cheerful, what more can I add? Alex

What charming sweet thoughts you have today! I cannot choose favorite lines, as they all make me feel happiness.

xxx Candle

of those older cartoons, when they first started using color; they drew beautiful scenes with changes of the seasons or some kind of time-lapse theme, and always such beautiful colors. You could almost smell the fresh, warm milk from the cows and the honey in the hive. Thanks for bringing me that vision. ~ Geez.
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I always liked the word "hymn" and it amazingly goes well with the idea of bees! This is a nice fun poem that inspired me to make some toast with peanut butter and honey...although I opted for creamed coffee over milk.
Cheers!

Thomas

Hello, Rula,
How delightful - I can hear the bees on their merry way!
Thank you!
L

Hello Rula. Just been re reading your hymn. May I suggest one small change. Instead of " Morning morning" how about " A goodly morning busy bees". Alex.

Hi Rula, this is lovely, so sweet and delicious. Can I suggest a slight change?

Bet you did in harmony,
Made the morning's ceremony.

Bet you buzzed in harmony,
singing morning's ceremony.

or sound of morning ceremony

But it is already quite charming. Well done Ruby xxx :)

Hi Rula, no problem and thank you for your reply. I should have noticed that. Sorry but I do think there must be a better word than "did."
And the word harmony suggests they sang or buzzed, made some sort of noise or carried out a combined action?
Can I suggest drank, drunk, pulled, slurped or lapped?
I guess I'm saying an action verb would work here better than did?
Thank you for giving me an opportunity to expand my understanding, it is always appreciated. Ruby xxx :)

Pleased to see the edit at start but it should read "a goodly morning". It then flows much smoother.

if I can make a worthwhile, or not, suggestion. Change did to hummed and made to buzzed, or the other way round. Alex

Bet you hummed in harmony,

Perfect :)

Ruby xxx :) (I'm not a sir, I'm a lady ha ha)

No problem, but I am a she ha ha.
My picture is of Perseus with the head of Medusa. It is a bronze sculpture in Florence ,created by Cellini. It is one of my favourite pieces of art and I have seen it 7 times when we used to visit Florence regularly.

I have lovely memories of Florence, thank you for reminding me of them this morning, Ruby xxx