judyanne

May 08, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I’m off

you drift through life in semi-dark
for you it's a half empty glass
complaining is your trade and mark
it brings me down, your odd morass

for you it's a half empty glass
the world presents in sad, dull hue
and others all have greener grass
that is, according unto you

complaining is your trade and mark
you say, for you, diddly-squat goes right
with not a positive remark
for anything that greets your sight

it brings me down, your odd morass
and all we seem to do is fight
so here I'm giving you the ass
I'm off to find a better light

About This Poem

Last Few Words: The Retourne, like so many other French forms, is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains, each line having eight syllables. The first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line; the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme ..... I am aware that 'diddly-squat' gives line 10 too many syllables but even so the beat remains untouched ... (and I like it :) ) ..... lol - not referring to anyone in particular at this time... there may be perhaps a few people in my past that i would've liked to have said this to

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

judyanne

13 years 2 months ago

hi eph

thanks so much - glad you liked this
and yes i agree - money and egos... but i learned a lot
love judy
xxxx

Nordic cloud

13 years 2 months ago

Oh jehoshaphat, as my Mum used to say.

This is a rhum one judyanne, and French quatrains to boot,
I admire your industry, your dedication to poetry and its forms,
I bow to you, or should that be curtsey?

Like the grammar of Norwegian and French,
even English, I know not their descriptive words,
its all so abstract, I like to dance free, and stick to doing that
as that's what I can do best,
But you manage it, here with humour. :)

annanya.x

judyanne

13 years 2 months ago

thanks annanya

for the very supportive comments

no bowing... and please don't curtsey either
lol - i despise that royalty bull%*%$

love and hugs
judyanne
xxxx

judyanne

13 years 2 months ago

my poetic tam

love that

thanks lonnie for the lovely supportive comment
love judy
xxx

Candlewitch

13 years 2 months ago

Dear Judy,

You amaze me with your poetic prowess. You are an intrepid poet, fearless in your pursuit of poetic form. I loved the last verse:

it brings me down, your odd morass
and all we seem to do is fight
so here I'm giving you the ass
I'm off to find a better light

(I know someone like this... a family member. It gets down right boring listening to the same old complaints, repetively!)

always, Cat

judyanne

13 years 2 months ago

hi cat

thank you so very much for the very supportive and encouraging comments
love judy
xxx