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I AM DEATH (A Soliloquy)
You don't want to see me.
I am the end that you fear,
the raven of despair's anatomy
who strips the life you held dear.
No walls can hinder my coming,
no locked doors can keep me away
it is all about the timing.,
the moment fate calls me to slay.
You think I am evil but you're mistaken.
I finalize the agony of pain's reign.
I return to the weak, the peace forsaken
and release them from earthly chains.
I am fair in my dealings,
striking down young and old,
slaves and mighty kings,
the poor or the keepers of gold.
The living shells fall into endless slumber
and I'll guide their souls to face judgement
for all the deeds they've gathered altogether,
shall reveal eternal bliss or punishment.
I am the one who opens the door
to send them where He wills them to be.
I'm just a tool, nothing more.
It is in His wrath that your fear should be.
.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geremia
9 years 3 months ago
excellently done. my friend/
excellently done. my friend/
joe
alidzain
9 years 3 months ago
Thanks, Joe
How have you been doing? I hope you're fine out there.
Alid
Rula
9 years 3 months ago
salam khalid
V. Good. I envey your grasp of language. There are however a few typos that need your attention to make this a polished piece.
alidzain
9 years 3 months ago
Salam, Rula
Shukran. All praises are for Allah who teaches Mankind what he doesn't know. I think I've done the edits but maybe you can help to point out if I've missed out some of them, sis.
Alid
scribbler
9 years 3 months ago
Hi Alid
You dropped the abab rhyme pattern in stanza 5.Hmmm....could replace heaven with content but then that leaves hell being named while heaven isn't. So we need a word to replace hell just as content replaced heaven.....maybe strife?
So much for my nit picking lol.The message of death being welcome at times and neutral at others comes through strongly.........stan
alidzain
9 years 3 months ago
Hi Stan
I did some edits. What do you think? I seriously thought heaven and judgement rhymes you know.
Alid