Ian.T

Feb 22, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Am Still

I took the sweep of the weeping willow
To scatter your memory, as gently as I could
I failed, there was a sound from my soul,
that told the willow fronds not to brush so

I cried a storm, to wash away the tears of yesterday
Yet your Spirit built a sublime river with it.
Teach me to remember with grace your ways.
Whisper in my mind that you are there for always.

I will stand still on the mountains top,
There I will gaze at all before me, to drift my soul
The clouds swirl with soft embraces to quell my fears
The moisture clings to my life just so, I can't let go.

I have dreamed for a while now my sweet
Tell me softly, the reality as your memory drifts by.
Pure thoughts echo through all I am,
That my love for all these years, is yours and mine..

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Let me rest where memories take my thoughts to where my body would wish to go, Ian.T

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Leicestershire, Ex Moonraker, GBR

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Esker

12 years 4 months ago

A most telling poem Ian

I like this style much!
wistful and yet somber and serious
with the poetic flow to make it
a very good read!!

Thank You!

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Steve

Thank you very much for your visit, and welcome comment.
This is the style I am more comfortable writing, but sometimes it comes over a little sad, but that's another story, origins of which are in Canada.
This time of the year my thoughts go out to a long time ago when I spent some time there.
You take care out there it is a lovely country, Yours Ian.T

Seren

12 years 4 months ago

Ian

A beautiful poem wistfully sad in a sense but on the other hand your memory carves into the soul and speaks such lovely thoughts

Well done

Love always Jc xxx j

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Jayne

The two people that commented on this piece, well what more does one want..
Lovely to see you here again, I hope that all is well with you,
Yours Ian.T

loved

12 years 4 months ago

....a third one

bard me
pardon me
must be good
if two have understood

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Loved

Lovely to have you drop in it is welcome, Yours Ian.T

Frenchf

12 years 4 months ago

So soulful

We're you happy with tempo?

I took the sweep of the weeping willow
To scatter your memory, as gently as I could
I failed, there was a sound from my soul
that told the willow fronds not to brush so

Is this not as expressive?

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Frenchf

This was written and then streamed within 30 minutes so it was raw.
I have tended to the write and altered a few words and lines, now as I have always said to alter but one word is to write a new poem.
Thank you for your input it was used as a tool to try and improve this one,
so we will see if there is more I can do.
I wonder where perfection is ??? lol
Thanks for your help, Yours Ian.T

weirdelf

12 years 4 months ago

A wonderful poem

A small suggestion
stanza 2 line two replace beautiful with sublime. Beautiful is a truly horrible word in poetry.

This poem touched me and is one of your best.

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Jess

Thanks, replacements for beautiful I have trouble with but have edited with sublime, I shall take care in future.
This is where critique come into its own, the improvement of poetry is its goal, thank you again,
Yours Ian.T