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Jul 26, 2013
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I can't change & you won't accept.
Who am I?
Do you know?
I stopped being her,
a long time ago.
I am a lie.
A disgrace if you knew.
I have to stay silent,
keep my love from you.
I chose wrong,
I can just change.
It's a phase in the end,
a high school play.
But, It's not and I can't stop.
How I feel has nothing to do
with what the world brought.
Religion can't fix me, this isn't taught.
I can't believe in your God.
Your laws and your way.
It's not me, but you'll never know me.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Ian.T
11 years 11 months ago
ANC
This one was just a little choppy but the theme is solid, you just sounded bitter lol.
A teenage rebuff, could do with more of these, before the babies are made lol.
Yours Ian.T
wesley snow
11 years 11 months ago
Hi.
You don't know me and this is the first of your pieces I have read, so I won't offer a great deal until I know you a little better.
I'm going to agree with the guys. This started well. Organized and even a little elegant, but the ending got lost in something of a rant. The emotion and imagery is there. The beginning was excellent and took me along gracefully, but I didn't like how it ended.
You appear to have a solid grasp of poetic form... you simply didn't use it to finish the poem.
mand
11 years 11 months ago
Hi
I enjoyed the read - it actually hit a spot with me. I can't improve on the comments above - if feels genuine ( not forced ) which { for me } has great appeal. But "as already commented" could be better. It's already great but making it consistent throughout would go along way to improving it. ( But that really depends on how you feel and what you want ).
Thanks for sharing.
Love Mand xxxxx