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Mar 18, 2020
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I Care...
If I should die before this is over
I hope that I have made a difference
In what? You say
In something, anything...
A person's life
Left a mark somewhere
Made someone happy
Done something worthwhile
Don't we all?
Do we value ourselves so little?
That we don't think or wish that?
Will it matter that I was?
I do believe that even the villain
The archetype of evil
The miscreant
Wants to leave something behind
Even if it is something bad
So bad...
That they will always be remembered
A page in history
No other animal on this earth
Is so vain
Feels the anonymity of life
So strongly or cares
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I went back to look, and changed a couple of things.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
5 years 4 months ago
In reading...
your response to my title, I have decided that if you were in such an opposition to it in the negative form, you should be equally pleased at the positive. Thanks for the correction of my [typo]. ~ Gee.
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Gracy
5 years 4 months ago
Hi Gee, I find your poem
Hi Gee, I find your poem philosophical and interesting. I'd suggest some lines in present tense.
"A person's life
Leaves a mark somewhere
Makes someone happy
Does something worthwhile."
After all, I think most people leave a mark on others' lives, loved ones don't forget for years, the memory is present. Just saying...
In the first strophe "you say in anything..." appears to lead nowhere.
I find the third strophe may be unnecessary. Perhaps re-word it into one question, or two?
The language is little too prosaic, especially for such a philosophical topic.
The title is also rather weak. Hope you don't take offense.
Geezer
5 years 4 months ago
Dear Gracy...
The tense was set in the second line. [I have]. As to the line: "In anything" I changed it to: "Something, anything..."
It works for me. ~ thanks for your read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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