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Feb 10, 2012
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I did write your name
Today,
Upon
My right palm
I did write your name
Not with ink
In awesome colors
Neither blood
Unsparingly
But, with
Each tear.
Each drop, slowly wiped away,
Stained my flesh
Your name only
It did smear
Yes, oh lover of my soul
Today,
Upon my right palm,
I did write your name
With my each and every
Tear.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 8 months ago
Hello Alisha,
The title is good. I often use a line from the contents of a poem for a title. I'm a big fan of free verse, so I like the way the poem flows. My favorit lines are:
Each drop, slowly wiped away,
Stained my flesh
Your name only
It did smear
I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
weirdelf
13 years 8 months ago
the first stanza says it all, gorgeously written,
almost making the second stanza redundant.
In fact I think the second stanza could be reduced to four lines-
Oh yes,
Lover of my soul
With my each and every
Tear
and welcome to Neopoet!