I Didn't Know

I didn't know I was waiting.
With no idea I was looking for anything
I quietly put my heart away
not missing it or its needs.
I closed the door happily.
Life continued pleasently for me.
Satisfied and content
I did not see these as lies.
The day I let you in I was
swept away.
On a wild tide of swirling
illogical emotions;
I was dragged from the saftey of shore.
Cast adrift in a turbulent storm
of pent up desires

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Comments

autumnphoenix

14 years 1 month ago

Hello, ty to both

for the read and comments. Yes I do see your point. The poem would stay the same without the steady stream of I's. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to it. The outside world won't leave me alone for long. I will get to the changes.
Ty again

Rottiestyl

14 years 2 months ago

Ah yes - it always seems to

Ah yes - it always seems to go, when we stop looking, it finds us. And it can be like being wrapped in purple lightening. Rare and electrifying. I agree with China though. A few less I's and this would be perfect, but this is your work and if it works for you, leave it be poet!

Kim
(V)

autumnphoenix

14 years 1 month ago

TY Kim

I am happy to have you comments. I hope you find something else of mine to read and please leave a comment.

Pamela A. Lamppa

14 years 1 month ago

diary poetry

This work verges on diary poetry and needs a bit more direction to bring your audience into the moment. The second line is a phrase and needs clarification. Show your readers how this is supposed to feel rather than tell them. They want to be where you are and find themselves in the same emotional place as you.

If it doesn't relate to them, they won't care and the poem will fall flat.
I hope you have found this critique to be positive and helpful.

~Pamela

autumnphoenix

14 years 1 month ago

TY Pamela

for your read and comment. Line 2 has been changed perhaps the way it was before was better. I will have read the revisions again with the original. Ty

Barbara Writes

14 years ago

Hi autumn

there is nothing I can say about this poem, but to say one word, awesome

autumnphoenix

14 years ago

Thank You

Barbara,
I am pleased you found it so . I had changed it a few times but it went back to the begining and have left it so. I found peace with it this way.
TY again for your time and comment