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Jun 26, 2016
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I don't have a title
I can't guarantee your heart a safe passage. I can't guarantee anything at this point. I'm not sure I can even trust myself. I'm not sure anymore of anything and I don't want you to get hurt. We made ourselves a future, I broke and shattered it. I don't want to be the cause of our destruction again. I love you. And either way is fine. Choose me or don't I will have to get over it and eventually move n to the next step which ever it is. So don't worry about me, you do what;s best for you and I'll be good. I think.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: It's about a relationship I destroyed and am currently mending back slowly.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Esker
9 years 4 months ago
welcome
I cant guarantee a safe passage
I cant guarantee anything at this point
Im not sure I can even trust myself
I'm not sure of anything anymore
and don't want you to get hurt
We made ourselves a future
I broke and shattered it
...
breaking the lines like this
allows a better easier read
and into paragraph breaks
like a breath or rest in
music
a pause
works wonders too
as for the poem
I can sit back at my age
and recall all the broken
relationships I drove
away and wanted back
so I relate too your poem
the message of this
comes through
thank U!
Sparrow
9 years 4 months ago
Young Lady
Firstly a great welcome to Neopoet,
I hope that you will be able to learn all you need from us here,
There are some great poets here and many with a good education and wisdom on poetry and its forms,
Just walk with us and learn
I see that Esker has pointed you in a direction, I have rewrote your piece in a form where you can edit it easier, I look forward to your polished piece and many more that you seem to be waiting to put here..
I can't guarantee your heart a safe passage.
I can't guarantee anything at this point.
I'm not sure I can even trust myself.
I'm not sure anymore of anything
I don't want you to get hurt.
We made ourselves a future,
I broke and shattered it.
I don't want to be the cause,
of our destruction again.
I love you.
Either way is fine.
Choose me or don't
I will have to get over it
Eventually move on
To the next step which ever it is.
So don't worry about me,
You do what’s best for you
I'll be good. I think.
Take care and ask of any of us and we will assist,
Yours, Ian, Sparrow, etc: