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Nov 27, 2024
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I dream
Of a different world
We barely have water
It's hard to carry our pain
It's hard to lift
Now we just go on
I miss my puppies
I miss myself
But,did I ever really know her
Time robs
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem captures a sense of longing and loss, as well as a reflection on personal identity and the passage of time. The imagery of scarcity, struggle, and yearning for connection is poignant. Consider exploring more vivid and specific descriptions to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. Additionally, you may want to further develop the theme of self-discovery and introspection to create a deeper resonance with the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ray Miller
7 months 1 week ago
I dream
I don't often find myself wishing there were more of a poem, but I did with this. Bit of an abrupt ending, really, though maybe the lack of detail and expansion in the poem is a statement in itself.
kowque
7 months 1 week ago
Well, the statement was in the lack of detail
It's meant to convey the hopeless
Of no water
No electricity
And me having to rehome my puppies, because I was worried
I could not afford to feed them
I walk outside and everything feels different
It's like I lost two children all at once
Nothing feels the same anymore
Thank you for your comment :)
Leslie
7 months 1 week ago
Kowque
This hits hard and I definately get it. So sorry about the pups, but this must also mean they're not letting you work. Don't worry about neo I know that I don't. I thought it to be a great burdenful hardship. If you feel like you've lost yourself it's only a feeling
your tradgedies one day will all turn to triumphs. I thought it was heartfelt and beautiful. My hope is is that you'll keep pushing forward no one but you knows the struggles that you face. Just never give up! (by the way you are beautiful just as you are) John
kowque
7 months 1 week ago
You always stop by
And make a statement
I appreciate you
Triskelion
7 months 1 week ago
...feeling this one too..
I can't imagine hardship like that, especially with people in the world so rich in money who wouldn't even consider helping out. Bereft of soul, of course, but money rich beyond imagination. Your piece is like a thorn, simple but most effective in its duty.
Thomas
kowque
7 months 1 week ago
Thank you.
How do you mourn something
You gave away
Your comment, was amazing.
You should rewrite this
Thank you :)
Triskelion
7 months 1 week ago
..of course..
"time robs" is the perfect ending line. Much to contemplate there.
Thomas
kowque
7 months ago
I appreciate your time
And space and energy
Triskelion
7 months ago
Hopefully..
..your living soul was impressed in the little ones and perhaps in the future, they may recognize and save you in their own way. Good luck, Koki.
Thomas
Lavender
7 months 1 week ago
I Dream
Hello, Koki,
Everything you've said speaks of everything you don't need to say. Your defining poetry is understood.
Thank you,
L
kowque
7 months ago
My Purple flower
I always appreciate when you grace me with your time
;)
Juarez5656
6 months 1 week ago
This is impactful
Reminds me of David Crosby’s song “Time Is The Final Currency"
kowque
2 months 2 weeks ago
I think time is definitely something I wish I could give more of
You are right. I'd cut off my five fingers if it meant I could a final.hug from my grandma.