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I dream

Of a different world
We barely have water

It's hard to carry our pain

It's hard to lift
Now we just go on

I miss my puppies

I miss myself
But,did I ever really know her

Time robs

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

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neopoet

neopoet

7 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem captures a sense of longing and loss, as well as a reflection on personal identity and the passage of time. The imagery of scarcity, struggle, and yearning for connection is poignant. Consider exploring more vivid and specific descriptions to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. Additionally, you may want to further develop the theme of self-discovery and introspection to create a deeper resonance with the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

R

Ray Miller

7 months 1 week ago

I dream

I don't often find myself wishing there were more of a poem, but I did with this. Bit of an abrupt ending, really, though maybe the lack of detail and expansion in the poem is a statement in itself.

kowque

kowque

7 months 1 week ago

Well, the statement was in the lack of detail

It's meant to convey the hopeless
Of no water
No electricity
And me having to rehome my puppies, because I was worried
I could not afford to feed them

I walk outside and everything feels different
It's like I lost two children all at once

Nothing feels the same anymore

Thank you for your comment :)

Leslie

Leslie

7 months 1 week ago

Kowque

This hits hard and I definately get it. So sorry about the pups, but this must also mean they're not letting you work. Don't worry about neo I know that I don't. I thought it to be a great burdenful hardship. If you feel like you've lost yourself it's only a feeling
your tradgedies one day will all turn to triumphs. I thought it was heartfelt and beautiful. My hope is is that you'll keep pushing forward no one but you knows the struggles that you face. Just never give up! (by the way you are beautiful just as you are) John

Triskelion

Triskelion

7 months 1 week ago

...feeling this one too..

I can't imagine hardship like that, especially with people in the world so rich in money who wouldn't even consider helping out. Bereft of soul, of course, but money rich beyond imagination. Your piece is like a thorn, simple but most effective in its duty.

Thomas

kowque

kowque

7 months 1 week ago

Thank you.

How do you mourn something
You gave away

Your comment, was amazing.

You should rewrite this

Thank you :)

Triskelion

Triskelion

7 months 1 week ago

..of course..

"time robs" is the perfect ending line. Much to contemplate there.

Thomas

Triskelion

Triskelion

7 months ago

Hopefully..

..your living soul was impressed in the little ones and perhaps in the future, they may recognize and save you in their own way. Good luck, Koki.

Thomas

Lavender

Lavender

7 months 1 week ago

I Dream

Hello, Koki,
Everything you've said speaks of everything you don't need to say. Your defining poetry is understood.
Thank you,
L