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Jul 24, 2025
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i hate that im happy
I hate the fact I’m feeling fine,
That peace and joy are now both mine.
No sleepless nights, no silent screams,
No broken hearts or shattered dreams.
I’m finally up, I’m doing “well,”
But deep inside still feels like hell.
The hatred lingers in my chest,
A monster hiding in my flesh.
Pop a pill, I feel too weak,
So I take more just not to speak.
To sleep, to breathe, to feel less pain—
But numbness always leaves a stain.
I fake a smile, I play my part,
But darkness dances in my heart.
Distract myself so I don’t break,
Too calm to cry, too real to fake.
It still hurts bad, though none can see,
The war that quietly lives in me.
No pill could kill this thing inside,
No drug can make me run or hide.
From me—the monster I became,
A soul on fire, wrapped in shame.
I hate myself, I always do,
No high could make me someone new.
So tell me now, with all I lack—
Is happiness just holding back?
Who am I when the silence fills…
Am I still me without my pills?
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the complex relationship between emotional well-being, self-perception, and reliance on medication. The title, "i hate that im happy," immediately signals an ambivalence that is echoed throughout the poem, setting up an internal conflict between outward stability and inward turmoil.
The poem is structured in rhymed couplets, which creates a sense of order and containment that contrasts with the chaotic emotions described. This formal choice reinforces the theme of masking or controlling inner chaos. The rhyme is consistent and mostly unobtrusive, though at times it risks making the language feel predictable or sing-song, which can undercut the gravity of the subject matter.
The narrative voice is confessional and direct, employing plainspoken diction that enhances the poem’s emotional honesty. Lines such as “But deep inside still feels like hell. / The hatred lingers in my chest,” are effective in conveying the persistence of internal struggle despite external improvement. The poem’s strongest moments occur when it uses concrete imagery—“No sleepless nights, no silent screams,” “Pop a pill, I feel too weak,” “numbness always leaves a stain”—to ground abstract feelings in tangible experiences.
The poem’s exploration of medication as both a coping mechanism and a source of alienation is nuanced. The speaker’s ambivalence is clear: medication brings relief but also a sense of inauthenticity or loss of self. The repetition of “no pill could kill this thing inside, / No drug can make me run or hide” underscores the limits of pharmacological solutions for deeper psychological pain.
The poem’s emotional arc is consistent, but the tone remains largely static; the speaker’s despair and self-loathing are unrelenting. While this mirrors the experience of depression, it may limit the poem’s dynamism. Introducing moments of contrast—such as fleeting hope, anger, or irony—could create a more varied emotional landscape and deepen the reader’s engagement.
The closing questions—“Is happiness just holding back? / Who am I when the silence fills… / Am I still me without my pills?”—effectively encapsulate the poem’s central dilemma and leave the reader with unresolved tension. The ellipsis in the penultimate line introduces a pause that mirrors the uncertainty and searching quality of the speaker’s voice.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its clarity of voice, emotional directness, and its honest engagement with the complexities of mental health and identity. Further development could involve experimenting with form or imagery to avoid predictability and to more vividly evoke the speaker’s internal world.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
2 months 1 week ago
I am intrigued...
I would love to know the history behind this poem. It is full of fascinating little secrets! Also, it is simply structured and rolls along without a twitch or a hitch. I love the easy rhymes, too. I am sure that many of us oldster's would like to hear from you and get your opinions on the poems we have posted here.
so, have a good day and pleasant thoughts. once again, welcome to Neopoet!
>{^*;*^}< Cat