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IRiz
IRiz
Apr 12, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Basic and Essential Meter

(Read More...)

I like the mystery of spring

I like the mystery of spring
transparent veil of leaves and lines
the only time when I can see
the glints of sunny daffodils,
the mist of sleepy melted ground.
I like the mystery of spring
when screeching of the geese returns
with children laughter on playground,
when boiling moss wins over frost,
new grass, new secrets, hopes and love
in green rotating gyre drown.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 2 months ago

So very near perfect indeed!

I like/ the myst/ery/ of spring
transpar/ent veil/ of leaves/ and lines
the on/ly time/ when I/ can see
the glints/ of sunn/y daff/odils,
the mist/ of sleep/y melt/ed ground.
I like/ the myst/ery/ of spring
when screech/ing of/ the geese/ returns
with child/ren laugh/ter on/ playground, [playground- Trochee]
when boil/ing moss/ wins ov/er frost,
new grass/, new se/crets, hopes/ and love
in green/ rotat/ing gyre/ drown. [Catalepsis]

R

raj

7 years 2 months ago

IRiz

Once again I wont comment on conformance aspect with the nuances of iambic tetrameter because honestly I am not qualified to do so...however from a layman perspective I can vouch that you have created a picture of Spring in its glory..yes...i too love the mystery of Spring which infuses so much of energy and I could feel that energy in your creation...

a pleasure read...
...........................................

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

Hello dear Raj.

Hello dear Raj.
Thank you for your nice words.
Enjoy the spring!

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 2 months ago

Oh, Irene,

Why not edit this and select the 'Basic and Essential Meter' workshop. It is ideal for your Iambic contribution.

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

Thank you for reading my

Thank you for reading my scribbling,
Breaking the flow in the bold and unmarked
Helps to feel the meter. Makes it easy
learning, writing rhythmic musical poems. Sincerely, IRiz.

lovedly

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

daffodils

Wordsworth is known for it
and you know it

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

Not really

Not really
I don't read enough poetry

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

7 years 1 month ago

some very good images

that paint a lovely picture of spring. "sleepy melted ground" etc. nice stuff.

I would only question the word "like". which lacks passion connected to the "mystery of spring "... adore, cherish, enrapture, delight in...I think "like" is a weak word, and a key word in this short poem.I don't think "love" works either, for different reasons...

I'm not paying attention to meter counts, only the charging of words. There are many nicely charged words and images in the poem such as "screeching geese" .

..

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

Hello Mark,

Hello Mark,
Sometimes small word is all one needs to say.
Like is similar to yes and no.
Would you agree that these words are the most precise? The rest of the poem tells why I like the spring, it open the word and gives it a specific meaning in a way that at the end it is clear how I feel about the season of change.
Thank you for reading my lines. Have a great day.

mand

mand

7 years 1 month ago

HI IRiz

Just a couple of glitches, as Jess says - love the imagery, so many mind pleasing lines, "when boiling moss wins over frost". I think you have captured the joy of spring so very well.

Love to you :)

Mand xxx

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

Hello Mand,

Hello Mand,
Thank you for reading my poem.
Glad that you liked my lines and probably share my passion for change to warmer seasons.
I am looking forward to reading your works.
Best wishes, IRiz.

mand

mand

7 years 1 month ago

:)

1st of May - and it's freezing! :( Swallows are late arriving home - Lovely to feel some warmth in your poem. :)

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

I am glad you came across my

I am glad you came across my lines.
Today feels like summer here.
I am enjoying long walk in the town.
I live in the woods about thirty miles north,
so seeing all the people in summer dresses,
shorts and stylish sunglasses,
all the sudden abundance of the town lawns, bloom and greenery climbing the old brick walls and bridge pylons, runners, kids on skateboards,
old ladies sun dried apples on a stroll,
all in all feels sweet and warm, like a first day of may.

mand

mand

7 years 1 month ago

Sounds wonderful! - usually

Sounds wonderful! - usually here in South Wales May is much warmer than it is now and the swallows arrive during around mid April - the flowers are blooming, as is norm, but, this year has held on to the cold weather, we've even had our heating on, it's that cold. I'm glad to say the weather forecast is that the temperature is set to warm up next week, so absolutely looking forward to next week! :)

Thanks for your reply.
Keep safe xxxxxx

Mand xxx