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Words Ablaze
Words Ablaze
Jul 28, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 07/28/24 TO 08/03/24

(Read More...)

I NEVER KNEW

I never knew... FIRE!
Until I met her body's heat,
I thought I had tasted of desire
Before she layed me low at her feet
Battling a need so deadly, so dire.

I never knew of honey drips
Leaking from little perfect lips
Nor had I, the inkling,
That lovely ravaging lightning
Could crack at the summit of fingertips.

I might swear upon my hopping heart
Or the blood that in me seeps –that,
Before she had her arms around me
On that lonely darkened street, Mosa Lee
I never once was held, thus and so...
By such a soul.

To touch her was to live for her,
To taste her was to perish, right there.
A man without her is a man without bliss
I never knew a thing but I do know this
The permission to breath that she gave
My dry white bones shall crave,
One day, from deep within the bowels
Of my waiting grave.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This poem is about a woman I once loved unwillingly but yet desparately, a woman I should never have touched for she was never mine, she was his.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Botswana

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Lord Byron, Kalil Jibran

More from this author

Comments

Leslie

Leslie

11 months ago

I NEVER KNEW

Avery provocative and sensual poem. I personally would have left out the last two stanzas, none the less it left me with fire!
Great job!

Geezer

Geezer

11 months ago

The rhyme scheme is not what

The rhyme scheme is not what I would use, but I do believe that it all hangs together.
You have painted a picture of forbidden love; I'm not sure if it is because of a danger to your health, [from him]
or because he is someone dear to you. Maybe you should make that clear? ~ Geezer.
.

Words Ablaze

Words Ablaze

11 months ago

Both. He's a friend. What

Both. He's a friend or very less so now. What rhyme scheme might you use? I got other poems that give the reason why it's forbidden. On this one I just wanted to focus on her.
Thank you for pitching in.

Geezer

Geezer

11 months ago

I would have...

used quatrains and iambic-pentameter. Just my preferred type of rhyme. I think that it usually works very well for storytelling. ~ Geez.
.

Words Ablaze

Words Ablaze

10 months 4 weeks ago

I'll try that champ. Might

I'll try that champ. Might just be the one thing I need to reach another level. Problem is I've never really looked at this formal rhymes.. I just have thought and jump in and grab whatever rhyme I can get on this emotional roller coaster of expression.

Geezer

Geezer

10 months 4 weeks ago

Have no doubt...

you are a good poet, don't settle for being less than you might. When we had any number of labs/workshops, I joined most of them, I got some good out of all of them. I have more or less settled my preference on couplets and different forms of rhyme to facilitate my storytelling. However, I have some free verse pieces that I am very proud of. I have deliberately, gotten better acquainted with a lot of different types of poetry. Cast about, try different things, see the ones that you like, you will never be disappointed that you did. ~ Geezer.
.

kowque

kowque

10 months 4 weeks ago

Quantrains

Sounds like many trains

Sorry I had to say

Geezer

Geezer

10 months 4 weeks ago

LoL...

Koki, It was funny. ~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

11 months ago

hello Words Ablaze

I am blown away by your poem! It is a poem filled with passion and longing... and the beauty of love unfulfilled. There is true heat in this lovely piece, and I feel it from my heart down to my toes. These lines especially, floored me and I admired:

I never knew... FIRE!
Until I met her body's heat,
I thought I had tasted of desire
Before she layed me low at her feet
Battling a need so deadly, so dire.

Please keep writing poetry with such emotion.

*hugs, Cat

Words Ablaze

Words Ablaze

10 months 4 weeks ago

Wow. You just made my day.

Wow. You just made my day. That's why we do it isn't it, for the hope that atleast one soul might see with my eyes, feel with my heart and know exactly what I felt, to live as me for just a few lines. Thank you so much for opening your heart to the poem that's the only way you can live a poem.

Lavender

Lavender

10 months 4 weeks ago

I Never Knew

Hello, Words Ablaze,
"The permission to breathe..." Very strong language throughout showing the deep feelings and desperation you mention in your last few words.
Thank you!
L