I Raise My Glass - - Triversan Stanza

I Raise My Glass

I raise my glass to you
You who has stolen my heart
And my mind.

I raise my glass to you
You who I worship
Above all others.

I raise my glass to you
In salute of our love
And hope that it lasts forever.

I raise my glass to you
Simply because I love to see you smile
And my heart you beguile.

I raise my glass to you
To see the look in your eyes
And the love you can’t disguise.

I raise my glass to you
Because it’s a great tasting wine
But you taste better.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Every two weeks I set myself a form challenge and write in that form every day.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Australia

Favorite Poets: The list is long, ranging from the Sicilian School of Court Poetry, then the English ones From Chaucer onwards to modern poets like the comedian Pam Ayers and Canadian, Leonard Cohen., Kahlil Gibran is high on my list, as is Veronica Franco., I have played around with Asian poetry, but find it hard to find out about Indian poetry., Blank verse and Free Form are played with and I consider some them just as good as rhyme and meter.

Comments

raj

7 years 8 months ago

It is good to know that every

It is good to know that every two weeks you challenge yourself to try a new form of poetry which is remarkable. I suggest in this endeavor you may also join the Sunku Workshop lead by IRiz and Weirdelf.

Coming back to your poem. google search tells me that Triversan Stanza "is a variable accentual form of verse having between two and four beats in a line. The concept is to have a sentence with three phrases. Each phrase is a line. The whole verse is one sentence". While i see conformance of your poem to an extent with these parameters, I do not know why you have repeated "I raise my glass to you" to begin every stanza. To me such repetition takes some shine off the poem. Just my opinion. Other than this, it is a good love poem.

Regards...

weirdelf

7 years 7 months ago

Welcome to Neopoet Terry

Goodness gracious me but this is a courageous experiment! A challenging form to start with but even more difficult in my opinion is tackling the poor, weary battered and bruised subject of love with any hope of avoiding cliché or sentimentality.

Since Triversan is primarily a metric form I took the liberty of having a go at parsing it-

I raise/ my glass/ to you
You who has/ stolen my/ heart
And my mind.

I raise/ my glass/ to you
You who I/ worship
Above/ all oth/ers.

I raise/ my glass/ to you
In salute/ of our love
And hope/ that it lasts/ forev/er.

I raise/ my glass/ to you
Simply be/cause I /love to /see you/ smile
And my heart/ you beguile.

I raise/ my glass/ to you
To see/ the look/ in your eyes
And the love/ you can’t/ disguise.

I raise/ my glass/ to you
Because/ it’s a great/ tasting/ wine
But you/ taste bett/er.

Which at first glance doesn't look terribly promising. Mixed meters are fine, Iambic slides into Anapaest and Trochaic into Dactylic but the other way round not so much.

However parsing is not an exact science, the proof is in the reading. That is where your skills as a wordsmith shine through, this is beautifully executed. Salut! In terms of the topic I can't honestly say this adds much to the vast body of love poetry. My reading-

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0awgddOJ2Vh

I very much look forward to more of your work and your critiques for others.