Weirdrandomgirl

Apr 01, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Remember

I remember

I woke up this morning looking for you,
And all I found was a picture of you,

It's been months since you've been gone
But every morning I still think of you

I remember the way you smiled at me and said those words that broke me

I remember the way you liked your coffee in the morning
and a kiss before you left for the office

I remember how you would call and check on me
even when you never had the time

I remember how you told me I was beautiful and
I remember those passionate lips

But most of all I remember how you walked away
from me that day like nothing ever happened

I remember how it felt when you said goodbye
I remember how I died a little bit more inside

From the beautiful dream to a hasty nightmare
To the pretty lies and stupid faces

But the thing that killed me the most was to wake up a find that
it wasn't a dream

And I only have one thing left on my mind
Will he ever come back to me?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA

Comments

Sparrow

7 years 7 months ago

Random Girl

Another lovely write.
I think to join in writing about other things try not to become locked in a book and its lives that are mostly fiction.
Look around and let us know what you see, there is poetry in everything and I think you will make a great poet.
I am very old now and I wish that I had Neopoet when your age, but it was a cruel type of world then no computers and many other things a lot of people take for granted in this modern age.
Use this modern age to become the best and never be afraid to ask anyone here for help,
Yours, Sparrow..

Weirdrandomgirl

7 years 7 months ago

Thank You this has made the

Thank You this has made the rest of my day/night
It is kinda hard for me to write about other things but I am trying to expand my horizons
I want to start writing about the world around me as I see it that means opening my mind more which has been hard for me but i will try
Thank you for your support and input as it means a lot to me

Eumolpus

7 years 7 months ago

Abandoned

by lovers is a big theme in poetry. Probably second to death.
It is hard to get over a lover who leaves you, without confrontation, or getting killed or dying. Especially if is it your first love. After so many months you are still bleeding. This too shall pass, I hope soon, and I hope writing about it will help you get there faster.

Weirdrandomgirl

7 years 7 months ago

Thank You for your beautiful

Thank You for your beautiful words
These poems are a way for me to express myself and how i feel about love
I have just come to notice that love is all around us even if it isn't meant for us

These past few months have been hard for me but not because of relationships but because I know that everything has an ending especially the books that i have read

most of my poems come from books and the main characters struggles
Im very happy that my form of expression is so realistic and promising

Thank You again but now for your words of advice that I will make sure to keep with me

raj

7 years 7 months ago

Hi WRG

I liked what you have honestly stated above as to what inspires you to write..

Considering your preteen age, I wish to make a couple of suggestions:-

1. While it is good to use poetry as a means of expressing what you feel or have read , remember books are generally fiction. Therefore do not place yourself overtly in the positions of those characters, other than to use them for expressing what you think/imagine they have encountered.
2. You will need to establish a healthy balance between writing poetry and your education

As for your poem on this page, I liked the beginning and the end...Try not
to overuse "I remember" in the lines in between...

I don't find anything "weird" therefore wonder why you have chosen weird in your pen name...

Keep writing and keep expressing....
..........................

raj

7 years 7 months ago

Hi again WRG

It is your poem which is obviously dear to you. However, if you want to have a suggestion, I could come up with a version without changing its essence.
.....................................

Weirdrandomgirl

7 years 7 months ago

I think I would really like a

I think I would really like a suggestion my name is "Weird" because most people find it crazy that i'm the type to write poetry plus it's hard for me to share feelings so i find the experience kinda weird

I have a pretty good balance between school and poetry I usually write in my free time or when I really just feel inspired I love poetry but i'm used to writing about tragedies, heart break, and being hidden

Right now i'm trying to expand my horizons and write about new different things I'm glad you liked my poem and have suggestions for me

raj

7 years 7 months ago

WRG

Good to read your comment especially to know about your maintaining a good balance between your academics and poetry.

Also good to know that you are open to suggestions. Give me some time for coming up with an alternative.

I would recommend that you participate in monthly contest, currently for April it is "Spring" . For details check out the post by Geezer.
................................

raj

7 years 7 months ago

Since you are open to suggestions

i am sharing below an alternate version of your poem...i have ventured to do this taking care not to disturb its essence...

Engulfed in Vivid Memories

I wake up each morning looking for you
like sunlight sprawling on my floor
only to find a picture of you
framed in my liquid blues

For months no end you're gone
yet every morn you seem so near
with that winning smile that stole my heart,
as too the words which broke me

With your favorite coffee to begin the day
and its taste you'd leave upon my lips
then umpteen times you'd ring in my ears
with hellos and those naughty things

I blushed when your passionate lips whispered
"I love you my beautiful mate"
that blush soon faded into an empty frown
when you let my heart mellow

Your goodbyes echo in my ears
while my lifeless eyes overwhelm
dreams now burn in liquid ashes
of your make believe world of lies

My lonely heart still holds a beat
of those times we hugged in love
as I look beyond a setting Sun
to hear your footsteps return
......................................................................

Weirdrandomgirl

7 years 7 months ago

This is actually amazing I

This is actually amazing I love this style of writing
I never thought about making poetry like that but I kinda want to try now

Thank you a lot for this you've opened my eyes

Sparrow

7 years 7 months ago

Random Girl

I have put on Stream two Blogs that are an A-Z of poetry and there you will find many styles and forms of poetry.
There are so many but just browse and find the ones you will be comfortable with, then just start out and we as a site will help as much as we can.
Here on site you have everything from a masters in poetry to just ordinary writers that just want to express themselves.
Good luck with you journey it is an exciting one to start.
Yours Ian..x

Just go to Sparrow on the comment click on the name and all of Sparrows works will be listed just scroll down to find the A-M and N - Z of poetry types, there are some still to be added as I find them..

raj

7 years 7 months ago

Hi WRG

Good to know you liked the suggested change...I would still give credit to your poem for me to be able to do that because your poem has substance ...i hope you didn't find that the essence of your poem is lost in the suggested version / revision...

I am sure in due course of time your writing will exceed expectations...just keep on writing and learn by reading those of others...

Cheers!

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

A quick note

You surely can write.
But I think this poem needs more anger. More you being ok with you.
##%%&& him, he wasn't good enough or honest enough for you.