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Jun 21, 2011
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i will love you
as long as you want me to
love you and longer still
i will stand by your side
for eternity if you will
see the longing i have for you
as i look deep in your eyes
i feel a spiritual connection
once born that never dies
About This Poem
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Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
14 years ago
faith
i liked this a lot .
If i may suggest something, the first stanza is written in enjambment, but i don't think it was your intention.
I think just my opinion that it might sound better like this:
"as long
as you want me to love you.
longer stilli will I stand
by your side for eternity,
if you will
see the longing i have for you
as i look deep in your eyes
i feel a spiritual connection
once born that never dies"
The "if you wil" now works for the ending of the first stanza and the beginning of the second stanza.
I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty to rearrange your poem, I didn't want to change a word because they are good ones.
link: http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/glossaryItem.do?id=8102
Regards
Eddie
loved
14 years ago
very nice
nicey
Candlewitch
13 years 11 months ago
Dear Faithmarie,
Sweet, and very nicely done!
always, Cat
raj
13 years 11 months ago
Faithmarie
the poem very nicely depicts the essence of true unconditional love..you may give a thought to the suggestion made by Eddie about linking the two stanzas..