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Nov 04, 2022
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I wish you knew
I wish you knew I wanted you
that when I look at you a smile can't help but slip onto my face
I wish you knew I needed you
that when you talk to me my heart beats a mile a minute
I wish you knew I desired you
that when you touch me my whole body warms
I wish you understood
that you weren't out of my league and were the only player on my team
I wish you weren't so insecure
that you knew you could have me and I would have you
I wish you knew I loved you and not gone and killed yourself
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Triskelion
2 years 7 months ago
Hi Viviana
Your piece has a very sombre feel to it. Not sure if you're expressing yourself only, or perhaps also looking for critique. Seems you've been away a while.
Thomas
Mr joghe
2 years 7 months ago
Nice poem Good write!
Nice poem
Good write!
Geezer
2 years 7 months ago
I am glad...
to have you back, but sorry that you are so down. I sincerely hope that this is not a true story. Missed chances at love are bad enough, but to have such a tragic ending is even worse. Your tenses need to be adjusted. When you speak of past instances,
it should be:
I wish that you had known that I wanted you
that when I had looked at you
a smile couldn't help but slip onto my face
I wish you had known that I needed you
when you had talked to me
my heart beat a mile a minute...
You can trim down your lines and still get the message across.
~ Geez.
.
Viviana Smith
2 years 7 months ago
Its a song
Bad habits my steve lacy, i wrote it my way
It goes
I wish i knew you wanted me
i had an experiance like this with a boy thinking i didnt want him when he wanted me so i wrote
i wish you knew i wanted you