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Dec 17, 2024
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Ice Cream Walk
Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!
My nephew does his ice cream walk
Pounding the ground in a joyful romp
He won't do it for tri-tip,
He won't do it for cake,
Or even pico de gallo with garden grown tomatoes
All of which he is very fond of
Normally he walks real slow with nowhere to go
Unlike his brother who was practically born running
At the age of 2 he's a learned a valuable lesson: Sometimes you must make an exception
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is just a fun little poem I've written, I'd like to get it polished and eventually published in a journal. Any feedback or ideas will be welcome
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively captures a playful and whimsical moment of a child's joyous ice cream walk. The use of onomatopoeia with "Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!" adds a lively rhythm to the poem. The contrast between the nephew's usual slow pace and his energetic ice cream walk is well portrayed. The mention of his preferences for other foods adds depth to his character. The final lines about learning to make exceptions provide a nice conclusion to the poem. Consider further developing the imagery and sensory details to enhance the reader's experience and emotional connection to the scene. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphors or similes could enrich the poem further.
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