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IF:
IF:
WAR is best served RAW,
The LIVE appearance of the world is EVIL,
“To have WON” is only appreciated in the NOW,
a RAM is the grass’ MAR,
MALI has the same energy state as LIMA,
a WOLF can keep up with its activity FLOW,
LAUD really share similar characters with DUAL,
a BAT can keep a TAB on its prey,
moving through the RAIL of life would make me a LIAR,
my ‘i WAS’ actually referred to my ‘i SAW’,
dinosaurs ARE existing in our ERA,
a MUG could only be made out of a GUM,
a certain PAT can TAP into the potentials of his subordinates,
a PART of crime is a TRAP over innocence,
YAM can fully be harvested in the month of MAY
one could ZAP available energies in la-PAZ,
the TIP of an abyss is a sub-set of the bottom-less PIT,
in a POOL of water lies its LOOP of ripples
one could RAP her way to be at PAR with the opulent,
OPRAH, don’t you think we need to inform HARPO about these?
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34xKG1J6m38)
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
7 years 11 months ago
Listening to your YouTube post whilst reading.
Very smart, yet I feel it does not commit to ideas.
Would you agree?
weirdelf
7 years 11 months ago
I'd love to see more of your work, Mr Ben.
Who are your favourite poets? Who would you cite as influences? Do you have a preference for any particular forms or styles?