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Nov 23, 2011
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I'm Too Old For This
I'm too old for this, family gatherings
hosted during the holidays
where family thinks hashing out stinking crap
is the highlight for the evening
Highlighting each other's shameful dirt
airing out dirty laundry, and
throwing dead bones from the closets, upon
everybody's heads, not my idea of family bonding
A thin line of love, bringing together, can't bond, when
sucker punches, legs sprawled, white panties, and
cellphones going viral on YouTube, madness
dad sneaks off to get his gun, fire a shot, ending it all
The calls and texts are still coming
will you be coming to moms tomorrow? not a chance,
I'll be any place but, having me alone time
eating somewhere drama won't be
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
wesley snow
13 years 7 months ago
Hey Barbara.
I'll be straight and hope I don't insult you. I don't much like the poem. The content is good (though it sounds like you have a rather tough family), but the form is less poetry than an essay with line breaks. One might call this a cathartic rant (essentially blowing off steam). There just isn't the elegance of language I see in a lot of your other poems. The first stanza works the best and if the rest of the poem were patterned accordingly I think the poem would have a chance. As is there simply isn't any beauty to the language. I pick on this because I have read many of your other posts and know the poet is stronger than this.
I hope I haven't hurt your feelings, but I didn't want to just shmooze you.
wesley
Barbara Writes
13 years 7 months ago
I rant a lot in my poetry
but not this time. I was simply writing poetry as I often do.
I not sure what your problem is with it. i think its a awesome write.
Do you have any suggestion. I don't take my writing that seriously.
wesley snow
13 years 7 months ago
Oh Barbara.
I certainly don't have a problem with the poem. I was just sharing what I thought. For goodness sake, don't stop writing the way you do and don't take anything I say personally. I would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings. wesley
Barbara Writes
13 years 7 months ago
Oh okay
hanks for sharing
weirdelf
13 years 7 months ago
I once came home from a family dinner raging
I said to a wise friend
"my family really know how to push my buttons"
he replied
"of course, they put them there"
This poem, and yes it is a poem, spoke eloquently of family dysfunction and rage.