Tam the Chanter

May 15, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Imperfect Future

Now, I fear, my age I show
By being fat and bald and slow.
I have no way to combat time
But hope to please you with this rhyme.

I dream about those years gone by,
When you and I were young and spry,
My memories still warm and clear,
Exciting times with you, my dear.

My student days, that grubby flat,
The swinging sixties, we cool cats
The night we met, our lives entwined,
These treasures kept fresh in my mind.

How you became my guiding star,
Without whose light I won't get far.
Hold me , my love, don't let me go,
Although I'm fat and bald and slow.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

Nordic cloud

14 years 1 month ago

You pleased me too.

Oh this was charming and lovely, and to me perfectly put in every detail.
It made me smile :)

Love AnnW

Tam the Chanter

14 years 1 month ago

smile

Thank you, Ann, for the kind words, I'm delighted that you enjoyed it.

Love

Ian XX

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 1 month ago

A beautiful poem of days gone

A beautiful poem of days gone by
yet the love never die's

I feel that some of the rhyme
felt forced. like in these to lines:

"My student days, that grubby flat,
The swinging sixties and all that."
I think, only my opinion, that maybe in keeping with the sixties it would make better sense
if you wrote it this way:

My student days, that grubby flat,
The swinging sixties and I a cool cat.

hey bud it's your poem just my opinion.
I loved it any way, the point is I felt what you tryed to convey.

Eddie C.

Tam the Chanter

14 years 1 month ago

critique

Thanks, Eddie, for taking the time to help me with this. I accept your input and have changed the line, which is an improvement. All help is appreciated.

Regards

Ian

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 1 month ago

Ian

thanks, so much better not a hitch in the road my friend.

Eddie C.
thanks for your Participantion in "Slpash Pool"

Ayaz Warith

14 years 1 month ago

"In all your love you attempt

"In all your love you attempt to grow
Though you’re fat and bald and slow.".......Ayaz Warith

Tam the Chanter

14 years 1 month ago

Imperfect

We old men have to try to compensate for our weaknesses, Poetry is as good as any to give your woman an appreciative lift to her libido

Glad you enjoyed it

Regards

Ian

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 1 month ago

i still write poetry for my lady Jonette, it's a pleasure when I see the look in her blue eyes after she reads a poem, I've written for her alone.. She has saved everyone of them she says that when i am gone I will still provide for her when she turns them into a book, shin, shin she always says Hahaha!

Eddie
(I just turned 57 yesterday the 17th, happy birthday to me)

Tam the Chanter

14 years 1 month ago

coincidence

I quite agree with you, Eddie, writing poetry for the one you love can be very rewarding' My birthday is also the 17th, but of March. My sister was called Janette. A very happy birthday to you, Eddie

Regards

Ian