Michael Anthony

Aug 14, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week August 13th to August 18th 2023. 🏆 Winner

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Improvements

In the past, she smiled
because in the moment
it seemed like the right thing to do.
There was a labor to it.

Her new smile is an improvement;
it doesn't have effort behind it.

Maybe I had something to do with this,
but I want to be the reason for it now.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)

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1 year 10 months ago

I might say the last two lines a little differently. Like:

I might have had something to do with this
But I sure want to be the reason for it now

I think it is just a matter of preference. ~ Geezer.
.

1 year 10 months ago

Thanks Geez! Your comments always give me pause, but in a good way my friend!

Cheers

1 year 10 months ago

Thanks Mark! You are spot-on about spirit-smiles my friend.

Best

1 year 10 months ago

Hello,Michael,
Another endearing poem. The final two lines take the poem to such a deeper level of intimacy.
L

1 year 10 months ago

Thank you L! The last stanza was a real battle to get something I liked. Glad it worked for you too.

Best

1 year 10 months ago

A wonderful poem. Poignant, redemptive and very well crafted. I wouldn't change a word. Thanks for sharing.
All my best, Will