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Dec 16, 2010
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INCUBUS
Teasing an intimate breeze
picaresque rages, a sudden
shrill where night lay sleeping.
An insidious spell is creeping,
seeping through the bedroom
walls her scent wafts, it seeks.
Unheard he calls the bull he
bawls! enters her lair without
due care.
Fair maiden sallow skin
incubus stoops tasting
her sweet nectar.
Subjecting her loins
to his nature
he parts his way.
( this was written as a dedication to the " book of Styx by eddy Styx" as a thank you to our very own "cat" for sending me her outstanding publication, on reading it , it sparked this write ,
About This Poem
Last Few Words: INCUBUS ----- folklore demon believed to have sex with sleeping women, or nightmarish burden or worry,
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Hooded Stranger
14 years 7 months ago
Ziggy
Ziggy,
having also read the awesome book 'The Book of Styx'...I can see how your poem here relates perfectly to the character of Eddie. You have captured the true 'dark and sinister' essence of Eddie.
An amazing opening stanza:
Teasing an intimate breeze
picaresque rages, a sudden
shrill where night lay sleeping
Superb title too.
This whole piece is a wonderful tribute to Cat, she will be blown away!
Welcome back by the way, I missed you.
regards,
HS
ziggy
14 years 7 months ago
hi hood
if anyone here would understand this one it would be you , I AM
delighted you think I got it right cheers mate ,,,,,,,,,,,thats my fav
stanza too ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
lou
14 years 7 months ago
Zigs
Fantastic use of imagery and vocabulary. I love the subject, I like stories that include other worldly creatures.
Ps I missed you, so glad your back.
Lou
ziggy
14 years 7 months ago
hi
hello my dear , you knew of this theme before
am so glad you like it cheers louise ,,,chat ya soon ,,,zigs
Candlewitch
14 years 6 months ago
Dearest Ziggy,
"An insidious spell is creeping
seeping through the bedroom
walls, her scent waifs it seeks."
To have inspired this write is an honor to me. And what a great write it is! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed "The Book of Styx,"
Love, Cat (& eddy)
ziggy
14 years 6 months ago
hi cat
cat it was my pleasure to write one for eddy ,,,,,,,,,zigs
Kailashana2
14 years 6 months ago
Ziggy! You might be an
Ziggy! You might be an incubus if you write POETRY like this. ;-)
I Particularly loved the last paragraph.
~A
ziggy
14 years 6 months ago
hi
hi lmao who me not a hope
i like how different folk like
different verses,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ty ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
ziggy
14 years 6 months ago
hi
hi lmao who me not a hope
i like how different folk like
different verses,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ty ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
ziggy
14 years 2 months ago
hi there
"picaresque rages " - in meaning was taken from this definition"Of or involving clever rogues or adventurers.
which fits quite well with the theme, "her scent waifs it seeks." well in all honesty that lines speaks for its self as does the whole piece, thank you for the interest ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
ziggy
14 years 2 months ago
hi again
you had me thinking since the line you mentioned
now reads like this "her scent wafts it seeks.
cheers for noticing ,,,,,,,,,zigs
ziggy
14 years 2 months ago
hi
yes lol another typo fixed cheers check your page soon ,,,,,zigs
ziggy
14 years 2 months ago
hi again
hi there cheers for the comment you mentioned a line change
from waifs to wafts sounds better as that is what I thought I had
written, would you be a little confused as to the theme as I don't know
what your saying with this "where she stinks of whatever and is seeking by her own odour "
this as I said in the last few words comment box is about the title of the poem
with this meaning "INCUBUS ----- folklore demon believed to have sex with sleeping women, or nightmarish burden or worry,,,,,,,,,,,,,this is just my take on it cheers ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
ziggy
14 years 2 months ago
ah
ah I was picking you up wrong lol
I wrote this from the dictionary meaning
and just gave it my twist, delighted you
took the time cheers for that ,,,,,,,,,,,zig s
Lenny of Cohen
14 years 1 month ago
enjoyed
the wonderful imagery here. I'm a paranormal freak and so truly appreciate works such as this. Our resident ghost passes on his congrats too:-)
Hauntingly yours,
Lenny
ziggy
14 years 1 month ago
hi there
lol your a "paranormal freak" ,,so your neo's resident ghost lol would you be a Casper or something more sinister lol , I am delighted you approve I will read you this weekend am being pulled in all directions this last week or so but that's not a problem for a ghost is it lol ,,,,,cheers....................... ZIGGY