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Jun 05, 2017
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Inner Child
Carry on inner child, across
the bridges of your youth.
Hopscotch down,
Jump over,
And skip pass life's growing obstacles,
showing your pearly whites. Laughing,
As you enter a realm
where the 30 and older crowd,
start to lose their sense of humor.
Carry on my inner child,
Bring the sword of peace with you.
Shield yourself.
And bow not to the nay-sayers
Or the heartbreakers
who spit,
Kick, and throw shit
in your face.
Just carry on inner child, skipping
with our inner light, as we both
Smile.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
scribbler
8 years 1 month ago
Welcome to neopoet
And never let go of that inner child. In line % it should be either...Past life's growing obstacles or at least pass, life's growing obstacles. Enjoyed the read and hope to see more.........stan
jane210660
8 years 1 month ago
I like
the subject of the poem very much - although have to say I never lost my sense of humour at 30. I know what you mean though, with age come the responsibilities which make it hard to be carefree.
Agree with Stan, on line 5 think it should be' skip past'
Enjoyed reading.
Cheers Jane
wesley snow
8 years 1 month ago
Ah, proofread it.
Slips like that distract.
No capitals at the beginning of lines. Good for you.
The subject, as always, is original and good. I lost my sense of humor long, long ago. I never laugh and seldom smile.
Tragic.
Free verse is not my favorite, but you use it here with success.
T. Harmonee
8 years 1 month ago
Proofread???
Slips like what?
The line breaks are there for a purpose, but the site doesn't show the original structure.
jane210660
8 years 1 month ago
It should
copy and paste exactly as the original. Well mine does anyway.
If it doesn't ,pm me the original and I'll try and find out for you why it's not reproduced exactly.
Unless any tech bod happens to see this and has an immediate answer.
Jx
wesley snow
8 years 1 month ago
My bad.
On a second read there were no typographical errors. I didn't mean the line breaks. I thought I saw some words that were misspelled.
There are none.
My apologies.
Eumolpus
7 years 5 months ago
I like your poem
But being well over 30...In my own experience it is youth that is was so serious, taking the world on their shoulders, passionate about changing the evils in the world. The older I get, the more I laugh at it.
But I do agree with the inner Peter Pan we have as well, and I did sense that at about 30 I cannot be forever blessed in that mindset, and I'm spending the rest of my life trying to get it back. So did Dylan Thomas, this being one of his biggest themes. Please check him out!
I like the rawness of the poem, and the subject very much. It is a great joy to see how much your work is progressing this year!
(as you know I do not agree with Mr Snow concerning Caps. I am on the majority camp to that tradition,like Dylan Thomas, but it is just window dressing and does not distract me one way or another from the body of the poem)
,,