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Mar 20, 2024
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Inside the Heart of Gold
Rich men poor men look at your lives
I can tell you it’s no surprise
That where you’ve gone and where you’ve been
Is not in the middle of the lion’s den
For you have set yourselves apart
Into the midst of the lion’s heart
Where there is gold that’s much more pure
Than any rich man can secure
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This was my very first poem written in 1967, when I was ten years old. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 3 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Inside the Heart of Gold" uses metaphorical language to convey a message about the pursuit of wealth and the human experience. The use of the lion's den and the lion's heart as metaphors are intriguing and add depth to the poem. However, the connection between these metaphors and the theme of wealth could be made clearer.
The rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem are consistent, which gives the poem a pleasing musicality. However, the meter is not always consistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the first line has five stresses, while the second line has six. This inconsistency can be jarring for the reader.
The poem's message about the pursuit of wealth is clear, but the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. For example, what does the "gold that's much more pure" look like? How does it feel or taste? Specific sensory details can make the poem more vivid and engaging for the reader.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its theme. The dichotomy between rich men and poor men is a bit simplistic and could be explored in more depth. For example, the poem could delve into the different ways that wealth can be pursued or the different forms that wealth can take.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
1 year 3 months ago
Hello!
Welcome to Neopoet. I hope you will find this poetry site to be to your liking. Neopoet is different from other poetry sites in that we as poets are a family community. We offer feedback and help when it is asked for. May you find a home for your poetry here. Please do read other poet's work and offer your critique. Or just say "hello!" It is very nice to meet you!
By the way.... that is quite a progressive and inspirational poem for being only ten years old. excellent!
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
1 year 3 months ago
Hmmmmm...
Yes, above the average, I guess. I think I am going to be very interested in some of your current poetry. ~ Geezer.
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Lavender
1 year 3 months ago
Inside The Heart of Gold
Hello, and welcome!
Such deep and compassionate thoughts for a 10 year old. Lovely rhyme pattern, and the comparison between the lion's den and heart is very clever.
I, too, look forward to your current poetry!
Thank you,
Lavender