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R
raj
Aug 28, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Intrigue

first look
an impression
second one
a perception
eyes closed
an image
re-opened
a blank

a dream?
may be
a nightmare?
know not
what then?
um disbelief
of what?
um peace

About This Poem

Last Few Words: this is about those kids who are born to the sound of guns and know not what is peace

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

7 years 1 month ago

Hello raj

I've played a little with some verses. Please feel free to tell me I'm not on the right track. I know I'm not. Please ignore the suggestions altogether.

re-opened
a blank [destruction

a dream?
may be [No]
a nightmare?
hope not [I hope] as a nightmare is still safer than destruction.
what then?
um disbelief
of what?
um peace

R

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Hi ula

actually my original choice was "know not" instead of "hope not" but stayed with hope not being not sure if others would read it the same way you and I feel....do you think chosing the middle line "know not" would be better?
.................................................

lovedly

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

O raj_sublime

your absence has been marked
once a guy wrote to me
I am intrigued
not really knowing his intention... i looked up the thesaurus... o what a relief now i understood this
real relief

R

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Lovedly

for reading..hope reading "last few words" helped
............................................

Rula

Rula

7 years 1 month ago

If

to show the sense of bewilderment and that someone is really confound, I say yes, it makes a difference.

R

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Mark

for taking time to visit this page and your good words.....I do agree the small change between Um and hmm....i thought Umm suggest a contemplative mood whereas hmmmm to be more like acceptance mood....don't know if my perception is right..

thanks again..
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