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Jul 11, 2014
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It tastes like 'Shit'
Lost in a mire of vomit
cascading hair hangs in drabs
yesterday’s pajamas
have forgotten what day it is
The rolling sea
lurches with wave
after relentless wave
and the light fractures
a rainbow of tears
Sullen nights stretch
into half lit days,
shadowy afternoons
are haunted by dreams
of sunlit beaches
and Tuscan ghosts
Dragging a towel
a change of pajamas
into the breach,
I am cleansed
But I still feel
like death has
me in his maw,
shaking...
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Ian.T
11 years ago
Jayne
Look to the inside not what it produces.
Feel the love that cascades onto your form
From all those that love you
Speak not of fading, as the Spirit only grows
It grows with each thought and holds the memories true
Teach your Spirit to talk to you of the good things.
Let it show you the colours of memories gone
Bathe in the rainbows arc let the colours sing
There you are and emerging from a hell
We saw you go there and waited as we do
Now like waiting for a chrysalis to erupt
There you are but holding the wrong memories.
Whoops there I go can't wait till you are back on line and well again, though this poem is very good I just want to burn it and dance in the beauty of the new flames,
Yours as always Ian.T
raj
11 years ago
Hi Jayne
I couldn't agree more with Ian's comment...
Catch up with the good things in life....hope you are getting better...take best care..
much love n hugs...
scribbler
11 years ago
hi
Pure despair in verse. As usual you convey what you mean to without rambling around like I tend to............stan
alidzain
11 years ago
Hi Jayne
Can't agree more with the other's advice and comments for you, hun. Let me add, your friends are here for you. I'm sending my love , my prayer and my well wishes to you. Hope you'll be okay soon.
big love and hugs,
Alid
eightmenout
10 years 12 months ago
Jayne
Hard for me to leave critique when you feel the way you do. But you post and I shall.
Great poem. Emotion is strong and holds up throughout. Not too keen on "fractured" light. It is overdone.
As for the ending, a suggestion if I may
Death
has laid me in his bed
And strokes my hair
Like a parent soothing a long fever
Hope you feel better soon.
Scott