Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

RoseBlack
RoseBlack
May 14, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the challenge:

Neopoet Challenge Contest # 15

(Read More...)

It's Hard To Breathe

It's hard to breathe
Feels like I'm falling
Black hole waiting
To swallow me down

Can someone help me
I'm losing air;
It's getting harder to breathe
Is there anybody out there

A blanket of darkness
Surrounds me; covering my soul
I'm so cold; yet still aware
Does anyone care?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 1 month ago

dear RoseBlack,

I much enjoyed your poem. the pace is good. the flow made me feel frantic...on the verge of fear, as it went on, I realized I was feeling controlled fear! the desperation of these lines makes me ache:

A blanket of darkness
Surrounds me; covering my soul
I'm so cold; yet still aware
Does anyone care?

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

3 years 1 month ago

Hi Cat

Thank you for the read! I am glad you were able to feel the escalation in emotion and the panic. As always, I appreciate your insight and kind words.

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 1 month ago

I felt it too...

the escalation of fear and aloneness. You have the key! Just turn it in the lock and release yourself. Know that you will be alright, and you will know the moment of escape! Well written and presented. ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

3 years 1 month ago

Thank you Gee

The ever present fear and panic of an anxiety ridden soul. The feeling of being alone when you are in a house full of people. The choking feeling when you can't pull yourself out. Glad you enjoyed it

S

scribbler

3 years 1 month ago

Hello

I agree with the above comments. But I think the poem would have more impact if you revealed Why you can't breathe

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

3 years 1 month ago

Hi Stan

Thank you for the read and comment..always glad when you stop by. This is more of an internal struggle. I will have to play around and see how to make it more apparent. Do you have any suggestions?

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

3 years 1 month ago

Thank you Cat

I do like how it turned out. The idea was to make the reader think and feel. But I am always open to suggestions on how to improve. :)