Jane

If we could,
let us dance this once
like graceful birds,
or galaxies entwined
in a grand enactment,
like bees over swollen flowers
just you and I, a pair

before the night goes out
and day discovers that
I am just a fascination
and your body is a song.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A love poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare, Lord Byron, John Keats, Percy Shelley, Oscar Wilde, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Henry Longfellow, William Yates, Ezra Pound, Sylvia Plath

Comments

AnnaNJ

11 years 4 months ago

this is beautiful.

Your descriptions are lovely. I especially like the comparison to galaxies. And your word use is great too. Very descriptive without being too wordy. Solid poem.

William Saint George

11 years 4 months ago

Thanks ^^ .

Thanks ^^

Seren

11 years 4 months ago

William,

Sigh, I cant offer anything except that this is beautiful. I loved all of it

If we could,
let us dance this once
like graceful birds,
or galaxies entwined
in a grand enactment,
like bees over swollen flowers
just you and I, a pair

before the night goes out
and day discovers that
I am just a fascination
and your body is a song.

only thing I would break it up like this other than that small thing I can offer nothing else

beautiful work

love JC xxx