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Jun 07, 2011
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JINX
spoke out three at once
their words spilling
laughter at the quick repetition
the flask was fixed
the game named
a hot sun flamed
and sunset died
watching each other
legs swinging arms
sweeping as we spoke
and loons called
while we waited for
the first stars to bite
the beautiful heaven
aflame with their
tongues of bright
"tommorrow is a burden"
you said your stick
stirring the hot fire
your eyes a thousand
lives away
then you turned and
smiled
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Esker
14 years 1 month ago
at a gathering three people said the same thing at once
in the old days people would say that was a Jinx
a funny exciting thing in my history
mostly it was a thrill kind of occurence
but Yes it can be read as an individual
"Jinxing" very interesting
I like your perceptions
and Thank you for the correction
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
'your eyes a thousand lives
'your eyes a thousand lives away'...that is one amazing image in this, I usually don't say it but there are parts of this that could actually benefit from some punctuation but I re read it more than once and I think I got the assonance correct, you're a fine visual artiste Steve.
Esker
14 years 1 month ago
proximity of occurences
Dear CC in my travel and experience I have met
people with many pasts many lives they lived
young and old everyone has a story to tell
but its the eyes that are the most revealing
punctuation is correct I know it tells the
story better I just refuse to use them
and I know sometimes it hurts the poem
sometimes that pain is what I see and
feel when Im writing
ghosts breathing between the lines
thank you for the comment