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Jonathan Harker's Woman

A (chance) meeting in the bustling marketplace,
asking only specific directions of her.
He bowed gracefully and low, removing his hat
Inquiring as to where he could find the cinematograph?

"If it's culture you seek, visit one of our museums..."
She harshly rebuked: viewing him as a lower societal person
taking him aback, putting him on the defensive track
coolly, she suggested he purchase a "Street Atlas" from a vendor!

Reticent, lightly touching her gloved hand
his apology was profuse. Immediate. Profound.
Mina, feeling contrite, relented, feeling shrewish,
allowing for the act of palpable attrition.

Taking her arm, placing her hand on his
they strolled the heavily crowded avenue
growing more comfortable in each others company
the slow ease of being, growing with each step.

They arrived at the cafe' mid afternoon
took seating on the balcony's shady side
for he could be a "Day-Walker" on occasion
If he avoided the glaring sunlight on his skin.

as their relationship developed more deeply
Mina seamed mesmerized without thoughts of Harker,
their rapport becoming distant, taking a back seat
as Jonathan was stand off-ish, otherwise involved!

The Count was pleased to visit Her in her parlor
introducing her to the pleasures of absinthe
Fireplace glowing, Mina basking in the warmth
while indulging frequently in each other's company.

~End part 1

About This Poem

Last Few Words: from eddy styx III notepad written on: 04-22-2025 edited polished draft On: 04-25-2025

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 months ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem attempts an intriguing reinterpretation of familiar literary characters, specifically from Bram Stoker’s "Dracula," by placing Mina and the Count in a new narrative context. However, there are several areas that could benefit from careful revision and consideration:

1. **Consistency in Tone and Language:**
The poem fluctuates between formal, archaic phrasing ("He bowed gracefully and low," "reticent, lightly touching her gloved hand") and more modern, casual expressions ("taking him aback," "stand off-ish"). This inconsistency weakens the poem’s overall cohesion. Clarifying and committing to one consistent register—either formal or contemporary—would strengthen the narrative voice.

2. **Characterization and Motivation:**
Mina’s initial harsh rebuke and subsequent quick shift to contrition seem abrupt and inadequately motivated. Consider providing more internal context or emotional logic to justify her rapid change in attitude. Similarly, the Count’s actions and intentions could be more clearly articulated to enhance reader understanding and engagement.

3. **Clarity and Precision of Language:**
Certain phrases are awkwardly constructed or unclear, such as "allowing for the act of palpable attrition," "growing more comfortable in eaches company," and "seamed mesmerized." Attention to precise word choice and grammar would greatly improve readability and effectiveness. For example, "seamed" should be "seemed," and "eaches company" should be "each other's company."

4. **Narrative Development and Pacing:**
The poem moves rapidly from initial encounter to intimacy without sufficient narrative or emotional development. Slowing down the pacing, adding sensory detail, or providing more nuanced emotional transitions could help readers engage more fully with the characters’ evolving relationship.

5. **Literary References and Originality:**
The reference to Jonathan Harker and the Count is clear, but the poem does not yet offer a distinctive or insightful reinterpretation of these characters or their relationship dynamics. Consider exploring more deeply how this scenario reimagines or comments upon the original story, or how it might illuminate something new about the characters.

Addressing these areas would help the poem achieve greater clarity, narrative coherence, and emotional resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Rula

2 months ago

Dear Candle.

I am unfamiliar with the character in the title. Seems like I need to make some search to be familiar with it.
Iwill come to it tomorrow as it's very late out here.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Dear Rula,

Search: "Bram Stoker's Dracula" either the book or the movie. Jonathan Harker is a character within. The woman he is engaged to is Willamina(Mina for short) Murry. Dracula sets his cap for taking her away from Harker. His intentions are to make her a new bride, in his bevy of Vampire brides. I think that is the best of the "Dracula" stories. (It is mostly a love story.) It is my favorite. I hope I have helped.

your Candle

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

2 months ago

Hi Cat, this is a perfect

Hi Cat, this is a perfect retelling of the Gary Oldman movie, my favourite Dracula film. I like the layers you've used and could almost see the film before me. I had to read Bram Stokers Dracula for my degree. I have it still in my bookcase and on audio book. But I can't listen to it. It scares the be-jaysus out of me now, ha ha. Well done, Ruby xx

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

thank you, Ruby,

That is my favorite out of all the Dracula flicks. too. The flick: Van Helsing, is also a good film, but it does not have the "Heart" of the B. Stoker film. I am going to ask Steven to read it next...He reads me to sleep each night. So it will be a nice change from Fantasy and Sci Fi! it will be good to get away from the other trash nightmares so mundane, lol!

Thank you for the comment! fondly, Cat

Rula

Rula

2 months ago

Dearest Candle

Thank you so much for the detailed reference. It was absolutely helpful.
I think you've done here great job which isn't easy at all. Vampires ' films aren't my favorite and that' explains why I haven't yet watched it, but I am so pleased to read your piece.
Always grateful for presenting us a variety of your poetry genera.
Thank you dear!

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Dear Rula,

my sweet friend, this poem is based on a film that was based on a book. It is a warped love story. and I have no problem with explaining any thing I have knowledge of to you. Please do not be afraid to ask me any questions you may have! I appreciate you and your viewpoint.

fondly, your Candle