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Apr 05, 2025
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A journey into cold world
Splashed stars like freckles
Stopped glittering their silver
coats. Sound waves paused
not Reaching there distination
Eyes frozen in space black, no
oxygen.
My lungs gagged
becoming asphyxiated.
Water stopped running
The planet stopped spinning.
A journey into a new world
No evolution.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
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It is not feasible to offer feedback.
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Geezer
2 months 3 weeks ago
Sounds like...
the time I almost drowned. Nothing else I can compare it to. Maybe a little hint? ~ Geez.
.
Jokerface82
2 months 3 weeks ago
I missed that
What's the hint?
Geezer
2 months 3 weeks ago
I meant...
maybe you could give me a hint about what you were thinking when you wrote this?
~ Geezer.
.
Candlewitch
2 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Jokerface,
I have not seen you for awhile, it is good to see you posting again! good poem... good luck on the contest!
hugs, Cat
Jokerface82
2 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you
Cat you too love x