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CCfire
CCfire
May 07, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

katie

sixteen isn't pretty
not the way magazines or
i imagined it to be
at her age i was mourning
black like crows
crowding palm trees-
she is too

we both wonder
how a hollow tree feels
when left to stand on its own
no leaf returns
it stretches
no shadows towards
welcoming sun

she writes it out
all the pain
all the parts
she isn't ready to say

my poetry is
like thinly veiled threats
constantly thrown
against my hope

i was once
like her
a furious red welt
swollen
and unready to
let it go

i watch her burn words
but she's not ready for
the finality release brings

it's ok to
still be
finding out
what a daughter means

i'll write her my words
until she finds her own voice

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac

More from this author

Comments

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

She is not mine Ros, but the

She is not mine Ros, but the eldest daughter of the friend in California I am staying with, I do a lot of people watching :)

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 2 months ago

Chez

That the process we all going through, as our parents wait and hope we do find our own voice, sooner better than later.

Eddie C.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear CC,

Lines in this verse:

black like crows
crowding palm trees-
she is too

wouldn't Oak trees be better than palm trees. I've seen crows in oaks and other large trees but never in a palm tree. This image rubs me wrong.

But the rest of the poem I found to be creative and charming. A great write to a young girl growing fast. My favorite lines:

i was once
like her
a furious red welt
swollen
and unready to
let it go

always, Cat

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

If you are not familiar with

If you are not familiar with So California, the crows in Orange County fly in from the coastal area's each night and nest in the palm trees. So the image is a correct one here.

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 2 months ago

Chez

You are right about the crows in orange county, I just came back to NY after living there for two years. I am return in June to the valley.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear CC,

I wasn't aware of that fact! It sounds like an amazing thing to witness! Forgive my ignorance.

always, Cat

V

vexations10

14 years 2 months ago

Crows

First, I will “crow” over you poem. I like it. Second, crow like the palms in the Carolinas, USA

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

Thanks Vex

They seem to be everywhere over here lol

Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

14 years 2 months ago

Another,

Another beautiful poem, as we've come to expect from you. Regards Roscoe..

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

She is my friend in

She is my friend in California's daughter, she is growing up with all the angst that comes with it :) Thank you Shirl.

S

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hello

We tend to forget how hard being a teen can be. Every place I thought to suggest a change would have lengthened the line. I think your minimalist style would not benefit from this , so I can only say great job..........stan

M

magics02

14 years 2 months ago

Hey Gal

Katie..this is good and it is just appropriately written about a teen for a teen. Those memories for me go way back and thanks for bringing them to the headlines today.
Great job my friend and are you home now?

Talk soon
Love, Mona