Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 23, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Kinetic talkative tik tok active connecting torque
As my echo knocks the equinox,
The sequence knobs knock my ego into knots,
Eroded by roads that wrote this murder, I rode...
Along to this longing long shots arrowed
Mystified by miss defied mistry filed,
I miss the amiss, air mist launched aimless like a missile fired,
Reincarnation of incantation taint shenanigans
Embroiled by manifestation that dismiss the tide.
Time is but a reverberation of sound waves against the shore,
The climax downhill on a slopping declivitous implored,
The kinetic talkative tik tok active connecting torque added encore,
The substantial concretised evidence of now and before.
By: Fortune Motsabi
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
8 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Kinetic talkative tik tok active connecting torque" presents a complex and layered use of language, with a strong focus on sound and rhythm. The poem's structure and word choice create a unique soundscape that engages the reader's auditory senses.
However, the poem's meaning can be obscured by its dense and abstract language. While the use of complex language can add depth and richness to a poem, it can also make it difficult for readers to understand the intended message. To improve the poem's clarity, consider simplifying some of the language or providing more context for the abstract concepts.
The poem's rhythm and rhyme scheme are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. While free verse does not require a consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme, a more consistent structure can help guide the reader through the poem and enhance its musicality.
The poem explores interesting themes such as time and identity, but these themes could be developed more fully. Consider expanding on these themes to give the reader a deeper understanding of the poem's message.
The poem's use of alliteration and assonance is effective in creating a musical quality. However, the overuse of these techniques can make the poem feel overworked. Consider using these techniques more sparingly to enhance their impact.
Overall, the poem shows a strong command of language and a unique poetic voice. With some refinement, it could become even more powerful and engaging.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Headless Two F…
8 months 1 week ago
Kinetic talkative tik tok active connecting torque
I thank you for taking the time to read my poem and trying to decipher it. This is actually an experimental piece for me. Without the background it's a little harder to invite the reader in fully.
This is influenced in part by a lot of Iago's monologs, whereby in this scenario, the reader needs to imagine, the speaker looking themselves in the mirror and in their hand, there's a picture of them taken few years ago, and feeling that in comparison to how they look currently, it encoax a slight disappointment, (as my echo knocks the equinox; referring to how they look now and what they feel the moons or time or years has done to thier looks, knocks is employed to mean the punishment, the punch or knock as in a knock at the door, therefore entering a new age of sorts.
The following three lines are carried by the fact that the speaker takes pride in their looks and feel attacked by time for having taken from them and killed what they cherished about themselves and all they could do was just ride along to this because time is irreversible.
With the second stanza, the play on the word of the sound "miss" and "longing" in the previous lines is to emphasize that the speaker misses the way they used to look and all the advantages and privileges that came with that.
Furthermore, the speaker also regrets all the missed opportunities they failed to take or took for granted. The 'reincarnation of incantation taint shenanigans' and 'the sequence knobs knock my ego into knots' have to do with repetition of time, that in the speaker's eyes just keep coming back to take more and more whether it does this through the challenges one faces over and over, and the ones that once they have been won come back for a rematch, or for a chance to knock you again, all the while taking years from your life.
The last line of the second stanza and the third stanza, bring the speaker into a reconciliation if not an acquiescence of sort over this sort of thing called time. "The climax downhill on a slopping declivitous implored", this is surrender by the speaker that there's no winning against time, it is a climax that is built on what appears to be a downhill, in part, it is a matter of perception, you can either enjoy the ride downhill or fight the tide.
The "kinetic talkative tik tok active connecting torque" the line is intentionally framed with assonances to among others construct the onomatopoeic sounds from the resounding tik toks, that not only imply time but the repetitive ticks and the tocks, are intentionally made to sound like something breaking and snapping. The kinetic has to do with the movement of time that cannot be stopped, all the while it tells on the speaker to the world, the word "encore" is the same as sequence and reincarnation in the previous lines, it emphasized the repetitive nature of time. The last line of the poem bares the same meaning as the talkative line in the previous line, time tells on you and it's evidence cannot be disputed.
The whole poem changes because the speaker has differing and competing views about time, hence the rhythm might seem inconsistent.
Please do enjoy the poem.