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May 12, 2025
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King Wind
I bring some news to the lone coyote
out on the prairie seeking kith and kin,
I tilt at windmills like old Don Quixote
but my royal command sets those sails to spin.
When in my fall's Autumn lusty breezes
I shall strew my royal carpet with gold,
and lift some skirts to gain due curtsies
and strip heads bare to show, don't be bold.
Here in my realm of brisk April showers,
the weathervanes point but all point in vain,
from all directions I shall make you cower
and bow your head down, low, as I rain.
I rule my so lonely realms from up high
You'll never see me but you'll hear me cry.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
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Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
'm thinking that this might
'm thinking that this might be a really good piece,
to illustrate the parable of having to deal with old King Wind.
The one thing I see holding it back is the meter. You should look for ways to keep the meter, adding and subtracting beats to make it work. See if you can do without words that can do what you need to do, without sacrificing the idea.
The first stanza is a perfect example of what can be done.
I bring some news to the lone coyote
out on the prairie seeking, kith and kin.
I tilt at windmills like Don Quixote,
my royal command sets those sails to spin.
Of course, you may have different ideas, but if this helps... ~ Geezer.
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