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Mar 28, 2011
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Lady Macadam...
Streaks of fire fly through the night
Cool hands of wind run through my hair
I exalt in breathless flight
Man and motor growl through the air
Cold machine, with hot beating heart
You send a chill to my inside
I get a thrill each time we start
We need a twisted road to ride
Let's ride this road of pleasure
Fast, and faster still
Let's take each other's measure
Until we've had our fill
The stark white ribbon on her back
Ribs of guardposts, spots of color
Make a road I want to track
More than any other
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I changed the title to this poem because of the comments that H.S. made. He said poem sounded like the lyrics to a song, and I thought that it should have a better name.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Candlewitch
14 years 3 months ago
Dear Sir Gee,
Cold machine, with hot beating heart
You send a chill to my inside
I get a thrill each time we start
We need a twisted road to ride
The stark white ribbon on it's back
Ribs of guardposts, spots of color
Make a road I want to track
More than any other
My favorite lines! (but I think guard posts are two words)
With your ending lines, it feels incomplete... like there should be another line.
Just a suggestion:
Until we've had our fill
(Or found the gate to hell)
love, Cat
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
Thank you...
for your suggestion, and I will work on it. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee
Roscoe Lane
14 years 3 months ago
The image,
The image i get is the joker from batman, in a black car his manic face twisted against the wind. Terrific feeling of movement engines running, wheels turning madly on a dust road. Great poem all round. Regards Roscoe..
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
Yes...
it could be about a car, but it was about a motorcycle. But I'll leave the way it is, rather than take the image of the car away. I'm sure that many other people would like to ride too, and they don't ride motorcycles. Thanks for the read and the comment, ~ Gee
Hooded Stranger
14 years 3 months ago
Gee
Gee,
I like the rhythm and flow of this. The last stanza doesn't quite finish it off, but you could make that a chorus should you try to turn it into a lyric.
You could swap stanza's three and four...as I don't think it needs another stanza, but stanza three feels more like an ending than stanza four.
Good imagery here too and I liked this stanza (chorus) best of all:
Let's ride this road of pleasure
Fast, and faster still
Let's take each other's measure
Until we've had our fill
I went on this drive with you...Exhilarating!
fast and furious!
I had no idea what a Macadam was...now I do.
HS
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
Trading places...
I mulled it over, looked at it closely, and I think you are right! I am going to change the stanzas around the way you have suggested. Glad you liked the ride! I can't wait to get my bike up and running again, so I can ride this year. Lady Macadam...That sounds like a song! I might take a stab at it. Thanks for the read and useful comments. ~ Gee
Hooded Stranger
14 years 3 months ago
Gee
Gee,
you are welcome to my suggestions and as you already know, if you need any help turning it into a lyric, you just need to ask.
I had wrongly assumed it was a car due to the:
Cool hands of wind run through my hair
but of course you guys don't have to wear a helmet in USA...so of course it is a motorbike...I still took that ride with you though.
Good title change too!
Kind regards,
Dan
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
Unfortunately...
or fortunately, depending on your stance, New York state does have a helmet law. If I want to ride sans helmet, I have to go to Conneticut [nearest state] where they repealed their helmet law, some years ago. That is where I learned to ride. I don't often ride without one, but if I go to Conneticut, or New Hampshire, [for the bike races at Laconia], it is nice to putt down the street at the beach where there is much to look at, and it is hot, without one. If I get on the highway, I always put mine on. Thanks for the offer to help with lyrics, and I may take you up on it. There have been other suggestions that I am looking at, and I am thinking about them too. Regards, ~ Gee
Nordic cloud
14 years 3 months ago
Love the title of this one Gee.
Oh lover of the motorbike,
your rhythm descries the scream of sounds
the heavy heated road beneath gives resistance
and you speed off into the winding roads
with a memorable reverberation.
I have written it before I think but iI asked some Danes
why they came to Norway on the bikes, their answer:
" Because Norway has so many wonderful bend in the roads."
Love to you Sir Gee from your queen Ann.
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
Yes...
There is nothing like a twisty road, to bring out the thrill of riding a motorbike. We have plenty of them here, in the Adirondack mountain region. I mostly like to ride alone, and early morning or late afternoon, when things are quiet, on those twisty roads. Just man and machine... Love to my queen Ann, ~ Gee
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
I am...
scrutinizing your suggestions carefully. I am in the midst of a couple of other things right now, but I will revisit this poem with them in mind. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Gee
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
madam
born to be wiiiild. visions of easy rider.................stan
Geezer
14 years 3 months ago
Being wild...
isn't so easy these days, but I still like a hard ride! Thanks, ~ Gee
vexations10
14 years 3 months ago
I got that it was a motorcycle
and enjoyed the poem very much. It appears you have ample suggestions to consider.
hobo
14 years 3 months ago
this makes me think
this makes me think of a fast motor cycle ride on a warm evening. I can almost feel the wind in my hair. nice write
Xavier Sleuth
3 years 11 months ago
Mmmmm, yeah
The power of a good car.
Or a bike.
I felt the hum of the motor.
Great poem.
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
I don't ride anymore...
mainly because of my bike needs too much work and I don't have the money to fix it or even do the things that I used to be able to work on, because of my COPD. Sometimes, it's hard just getting up and dressed let alone, working on the bike.
~ Geez.
.