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Mar 31, 2025
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The Last Raid
Odin, do you see me still?
I wielded sword, on bloody spill.
I never doubted, mocked or feared
will my death become revered?
Yes, I burned their temples down.
And cast my name upon their crown.
How I laughed when arrows flew,
to mark my fame as stories grew.
Odin, do you weigh my worth
or claim my soul at my rebirth?
My brothers lost, their voices stilled,
did they ascend, in combat killed?
You taught me war, to fight, to own,
to cast my seed in lands unknown,
and yet the years grew long and cold,
my bitter heart awaits your hold.
I’m tired god, of many fights,
the battles, blood, the funeral rites,
in silence where voices fade,
your echo whispers, my price is paid.
The ravens call, the sky grows dark,
and will of night will seal your mark.
Odin, in my dying breath,
did I serve you, or my own death?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: After watching Vikings again, I really got into the programme, the scenery, the myths and the action reminded me of the the film with Tony Curtis and Kirk Douglas, The Vikings. I remember the film as a child, it was pretty horrific and Ragnar, was in comparison to Travis Fimmel, not very handsome ha ha. Ruby xx
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem engages thoughtfully with themes of honor, mortality, and the questioning of one's purpose in the context of warfare and devotion to a deity. The speaker's introspective dialogue with Odin creates a compelling tension between personal glory and spiritual uncertainty.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement:
1. **Imagery and Originality:**
The poem relies heavily on familiar Norse imagery (ravens, swords, temples burning). While these images are appropriate, consider introducing more unique or unexpected metaphors and imagery to deepen the reader's emotional engagement and avoid overly familiar tropes.
2. **Consistency of Tone and Voice:**
The poem shifts between confident pride ("How I laughed when arrows flew") and weary introspection ("I’m tired god, of many fights"). While this contrast is effective, consider clarifying or expanding the transition between these emotional states to enhance coherence and emotional depth.
3. **Rhythm and Meter:**
The poem's rhythm is generally consistent, but there are moments where the meter feels slightly forced or uneven. For example, the line "and will of night will seal your mark" contains repetition ("will") that disrupts the flow. Revising for smoother rhythm would strengthen the poem's overall musicality.
4. **Clarity of Theme and Purpose:**
The poem concludes with an intriguing question ("did I serve you, or my own death?"), which effectively encapsulates the speaker's internal conflict. However, earlier stanzas could further emphasize or foreshadow this tension, making the final question more resonant and impactful.
Overall, the poem demonstrates thoughtful engagement with its thematic material. Further refinement of imagery, rhythm, and thematic clarity would enhance its emotional resonance and depth.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
3 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Ruby,
I found the rhythm of your poem to be hypnotic.... it carried me right along with long ago celluloid battles I so enjoyed! I cannot choose favorite lines for to dissect and single out, would seem disrespectful. It is brilliant and stands on its own!
much love, Cat
Ruby Lord
3 months 2 weeks ago
Thank you so much Cat. I
Thank you so much Cat. I appreciate your read and comment.
The Viking series has crept into my mind like the myths of their gods and people. I love that programme. I also really enjoyed writing this one as I imagined the scenes I'd watched and remembered all the places I'd visited.
York, in Northern England is one of our main Viking centers and it is incredible to see so much history in one place, that ginger hair colour has also added so much to the history.of the UK. England, Scotland, Northern Ireland & the Republic of Ireland. We all have Viking history/genes here :)
Take care and thank you again, Ruby xx
Geezer
3 months 2 weeks ago
It strikes me...
as having participated in so much slaughter and mayhem and seeing the faces of young men and the families mourning them; it might be, that there was doubt of the "honor" of having killed for his god. He may have even heard of a god of peace and love and forgiveness. [There was a lot of that going around in those days.] I do believe that many Vikings converted under Olaf and so began the slow conversion to a more peaceful existence. [Ha! Then began the forced conversion of many different cultures, and a curse was put upon the Earth, called Christianity! [Sorry, I couldn't help myself.] ~ Geez.
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Ruby Lord
3 months 2 weeks ago
Thank you, Geezer. Yes, blood
Thank you, Geezer. Yes, blood has been spilled in the name of every god man has ever shaped in his own image. One war ends, another gets blessed. Conversion/assimilation is just conquest with incense. Olaf swung a sword, then a cross, and still the slaughter didn't stop.
As for me, I've lost track of which sins keep me off Santa's list. Was it my doubts, or thinking for myself? Either way, no frankincense, no gold, no Myrrh. Just a reminder that peace on Earth is still a rumour. Ruby xx
Geezer
3 months 2 weeks ago
I love...
what you said about blood being spilled in the name of every god that man has [shaped in his own image]. ~ Geez.
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