The last raindrop dries

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: The last raindrop dries

In this poem, the imagery is vivid and evocative, effectively capturing the essence of a dry, parched environment. The use of concrete details, such as the "old green hose," "cracked teapot," and "fan of magpie feathers," grounds the poem in a specific setting and adds texture to the narrative.

The poem's structure is mostly free verse, with varying line lengths and no consistent rhyme scheme. This choice complements the poem's theme of a parched environment, as the irregular structure mirrors the unpredictable nature of drought and the longing for rain.

One aspect that could be improved is the clarity of the poem's narrative. While the poem effectively conveys the atmosphere of a dry environment, the connection between the various objects mentioned and the overall theme could be strengthened. For example, the significance of the "spoon from your house" and the "blue glass blurred to softness" could be made clearer to help the reader understand their role in the poem.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of punctuation. In some instances, punctuation is used to separate ideas or provide a pause, such as "the tank is nearly empty" and "else where a dingo howls." However, in other instances, punctuation is absent, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Consistent use of punctuation would help the reader follow the poem's narrative more easily.

Lastly, the poem's final lines, "the last / raindrop / dries," effectively convey a sense of finality and loss. However, the repetition of "the last raindrop dries" could be restructured to create a stronger impact. For instance, consider using a line break or enjambment to emphasize the word "dries" and create a more poignant ending.

Overall, this poem effectively uses imagery and a free verse structure to convey the theme of a parched environment. By addressing the clarity of the narrative, punctuation consistency, and the impact of the final lines, the poem could be further strengthened.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Jenifer,
So sorry that you experienced this. Your title, language, and tone reflect the unthinkable devastation. I kinda agree with AI regarding the punctuation, there is some confusion without it. But I also understand and feel the dispersed thought process while taking in such a scene. The repetition of the final line lends to the visual of the parched landscape. Nice use of many of the senses bringing the reader into your poem.
Thank you,
L

Hmmmmmm......Don't I sound thoughtful ? lol. For some reason I think the rain drops are not real rain

I think that the title is good and makes the connection
at the very beginning, when the line, "the tank is nearly empty"
comes about. Right away, you get the sense that the water is precious and scarce.

I have raked leaves and found little treasures that mean something to me, and maybe no one else.
Here, I do agree with the AI that perhaps a little bit more punctuation might help,
as I had to read some lines twice to make sure that I hadn't missed a word or connection.

I'm not sure about the language of Aussieland, but I would push together the [else where]
without a space between.

The minimalist poet in me has accepted the [almost fragmented] lines, and I would say that
the last words are repeated as an almost prayer, or maybe resignation to the eventual drying up of the garden.

I look forward to seeing more of your work soon. ~ Geezer.
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Congratulations on winning poem of the week. Well done.

I enjoyed reading your poem. The images you created were familiar and I felt right at home in your words. Ruby :)

First off I want to congratulate you on poem of the week well done.

I am a little bit surprised no one has mentioned "Else where"? is one word not two lol

Like you I have lived through the droughts and wondered if the rains would ever come again, when we were buying water for the cattle just to keep them alive, and at one point there was a truck brought in with donated water for our community. Those were tough days, then the last two years I was wondering if it would ever stop? both times being flooded out and wondering if this was the next great flood lol. Neither time's are good but we always seen to have one extreme or another.

Well done I really love this poem!!

It's so good to have you back at Neopoet

hugs

Seren/Jayne x