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Sep 17, 2021
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A late night poem:
She sits in perfect repose
a poem waiting to be composed
words woven with silken thread
fine yet not quite spoken
Constellations bright within her eyes
hinting at the prose she hides
in her gentle, shuttered soul, and why,
I wonder why, has she been left to bide her time
aching for her poem to be written
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Ray Whitaker
3 years 10 months ago
Like this
The rhyme scheme works until the end… maybe a bit more work on that there?
I would suggest you drop the second “why”, as the “I wonder” part connotates that. This would make it flow better, IMHO
atorn
3 years 10 months ago
reply
I think you are correct, it was afterall a late night poem and I can't even remember why I doubled down on the why
Owl Has My Soul
3 years 10 months ago
Wow -- I love this poem.
Wow -- I love this poem. Great subject and you capture its elusiveness.
I would slightly alter the ending:
in her gentle, shuttered soul, I wonder why
she has been left to bide her time
aching for herself to be written.
Owl Has My Soul
3 years 10 months ago
I'm thinking I overstepped
I'm thinking I overstepped with my suggestions... If I did, I am sorry. Got a little invested...
atorn
3 years 10 months ago
reply
not at all, I welcome all suggestions, thanks for reading and commenting