alidzain

May 21, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Leaving The Stage

Stop the music!
I've grown weary of this dance.
The end is long overdue
It has shed all its fun

Sweet-honeyed lies,
fake whispers of affection
I bid all of them goodbye.
to focus my attention

I take a bow
Let the hypocrites mingle
I'm walking away now
to be free from their world

Let them have the stage
I refuse to dance again.
The rhythm of heartbreaks
only drives me insane.

I leave the stage
to embrace life
with wings of hope
to help me fly

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Geezer

11 years 1 month ago

Don't leave...

the stage just yet! I have a suggestion or two.

1] [The] end is long overdue
2] It has shed all it's fun
3] Leave the ess off from affection
4] I take a bow
5] let the hypocrites mingle
Feel free to use any and all of these, or not.

~ Gee

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

Thank you, Gee

for the visit and the suggestions. I've made the necessary changes. ;D

Alid

loved

11 years 1 month ago

follow Gee's advice and stay

never run away
don't dance
but u may leave the stage
as they all dance merrily away

You may stay away
Ur wish.....

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

Done that, loved

i won't stay away
i'm just going to watch them
waste their time away
while sensibility leave them

Alid

weirdelf

11 years 1 month ago

All I can do tonight is read.

You are a poet, there can be no doubt, potentially a great one. Can you spot the flaws?
I can only hope and pray that the reference to Shakespeare's "all the world's a stage" is intentional. Otherwise you have some very serious reading to do, my friend.
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/leaving-the-stage-by-alidzain
Hope this helps,

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

With everyone's help

I believe I can spot the flaws. It is intentional. Thank you for the visit and the encouraging words, Sir.

Alid

loved

11 years 1 month ago

U inspired this howz it"

Leaving the arena
Your words of disgust
germinate seeds in my minds eyes,
you want to end all strife,
my seeds have yet to burst.

So if a man's food,
is another’s poison
both will have a different version,
the decision to do what one wants to do
it's up to each one of us including you too..

so don't run,
walk away
but in the larger picture of life do stay
someday, one day
you will remember what I say

don't shun
never run
stay alive for another happier day
now run
but don't shun

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

like it

especially the 2nd stanza. Good job.

Alid

loved

11 years 1 month ago

thanks for ur good humour

and also thank you