Let go.....

hello kimathi
welcome to neopoet
this has promise… it is a bit on the hallmark side, but there is nothing wrong with that :)

but imo, when writing these sort of messages one needs to be succinct, so as it doesn’t get boring with repetitions

in fact poetry needs to be succinct, even a long poem is succinct in that it has few repetitions bar those intended

try dropping a few words
for example, this is what i suggest with the first two stanzas

Let go of fear
as a river
carries away a log blocking
its smooth passage

Let go of confusion
as the morning
fades to give a clear vision
of what is around you..

and one other thought
‘will be as enchanting as a clear, night sky,
decorated with stars and shooting stars’
is lovely – I like the image it gives, but watch out for using words twice – like ‘stars’ - and try to use adjectives to describe rather than nouns

i like this, as i said, it has promise
love judy
xxx

I am just going to throw in a thought,
the fact the earthquakes could no longer exist bothers me, logically?

Let go of your fears,

just as the way a river......................just the way

carries away a log blocking........the word blocking could be on the next line?

its smooth passage

Let go of your confusion,

just as the way the morning

fades away, giving you a clear vision

of what is around you


Let go of your hatred,

just as the way an earthquake
ceases to exist
Let go of your hurts,

just as the way the sky lets go

of the night, paving way for the day............... paving THE way?

Let go of your ego,

just as the way muddy water

becomes clear water when mud

settles at the bottom.........................When mud settles- is perhaps enough

I liked the thoughts you have here;
judyanne has probably given you
some good constructive advice.

Yours Ann.