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Oct 20, 2014
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Let It Be
Let it be
that hatred is the venom
you spit out
before it poisons
your heart and soul,
that your faith remains
fresh like the morning dew
when the day begins
as you live your life anew
and the smile that you wear
is not a hypocrite's lie
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Hi Gemma
Thank you for the visit and the comment.
Alid
raj
10 years 8 months ago
Hi Alid
The poem is pretty crisp and if my perception is right, I believe is meant to express the Protagonist's hatred for the dubious smile of a hypocrite to cover up the lies with a smile. If so the opening line "let it be" communicates quite the opposite, meaning the Protagonist's consent to it.. In that case you may want to slightly alter the poem to read thus:-
Hatred is the venom
you spit out
before it poisons
your heart and soul,
that your faith remains
fresh like the morning dew
when the day begins
as you live your life anew
and the smile that you wear
conceals a hypocrite's lie
Of course if my perception is wrong, ignore the above...
Regards,
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Raj
just to clarify. If you see that verse about the smile, you'll find that it reads
and the smile that you wear
is not a hypocrite's lie"
If I put it in a single sentence beginning with the the title, it will be
"Let it be the smile that you wear is not a hypocrite's lie."
It can also be said in this way -
Don't let your smile be an insincere act.
Thanks for the visit.
Alid.
raj
10 years 8 months ago
Alid it was only a suggestion
Alid it was only a suggestion.
Regards,
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
yes, Raj, I know
I am clarifying for the benefits of others who might similarly misunderstood it. Just sharing what I mean when I wrote it, not, that's all. I know you mean well, old friend.:D
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 8 months ago
Alid
Let it be is is a good title and the pacing is good
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Hi Barbara
Thank you for the visit and the comment.
Alid