Rhythm and Meter in Poetry

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Lethargy by Brian Patten

You have dreamt so often of what you would do
If your life were irrevocably changed
That when you are forced finally from the route best understood
And on to another, less obvious way,
You think at first fantasy will sustain you.
Sink then dreamer into what might have been!
For though on the brilliant branch
The brilliant fruit still clings
It is no longer reached with ease,
And its dazzle’s frightening.

You have dreamt so often of what you would do if your life were irrevocably changed. That when you are forced finally from the route best understood and on to another, less obvious way, you think at first fantasy will sustain you. Sink then dreamer into what might have been! For though on the brilliant branch the brilliant fruit still clings It is no longer reached with ease, And its dazzle’s frightening.

You HAVE DREAMT so OFTen of WHAT you WOULD do
If YOUR LIFE were irREVocably CHANged
That WHEN you FINally from the ROUTE best UNderSTOOD
And ON to another,are forced less obvious way,
You THINK at FIRST FANtasy will susTAIN you.
SINK then DREAMer into what MIGHT HAVE BEEN!
For THOUGH on the brilliant branch
The BRILliant FRUIT still CLINGS
It is no LONGer REACHed with EASE,
And its DAZzle’s FRIGHTening.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: here is one of the free verse pieces I wanted to use

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

infinite_dwarf

5 years 4 months ago

I love imagery. I get the

I love imagery. I get the picture
(intended or not) of some person just drifting more and more into their own reality that they've made up. I keep tripping on two things, however:

1. The flow of "That when you are forced finally from the route best". I feel like there's a little too much in that sentence. My tongue keeps doing backflips.

2. The double "brilliant". It just seems a little redundant since one was already used very close to the other one's mention.

weirdelf

5 years 4 months ago

Jess this poem is part of the Rhythm and Meter workshop

as a negative example [grins]