Liar

Liar!
I call you a liar!

You claim to love yourself
hoping to live a long life
but you hold in your hand
a lighted cigarette
poisoning your body,
polluting the air that you breathe
contradicting your own words
as you surrender to addiction

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Rula

11 years 5 months ago

Khalid

You always touch some lively issues. I think this's why we need to write.
Keep them coming.
If this was mine I'd change "poisoning and polluting" to "to poison/ to pollute" as I think it more powerful, but that's probably only me. Let's see what others think.

alidzain

11 years 5 months ago

Thanks

I'll wait for others' comments as well.

mand

11 years 5 months ago

Hi Alid

I like your honesty - this poem is very clear and concise and really lays it on the line. The title is to the point and the poem follows through in the same manner, There can be no misunderstanding or doubt as to it's interpretation.

You have one little typo - me thinks. "cigarette" one r.

I don't think you have a problem with conveying emotion - your point comes across very strongly.

Love Mand xxxxx

alidzain

11 years 5 months ago

Thanks

for pointing out the mistake.,Mand.

Alid