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Mar 28, 2011
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Lick an armpit
Do you love her?
Really, truly.
Of course you say,
her truths and lies
her smarts and sillys
her beauty and flaws
but do you love the human creature?
the sweat and pheromones
the skin flakes and cuticles
the pubic hair stuck under your tongue?
when she is not wearing deodorant,
lick her armpit
truly, madly, deeply.
Then know how much you love her.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Licia Daniels
14 years 3 months ago
Jess
It's the second time in as many days I see the very cliched cliche in a poem of yours: truly, madly, deeply. A shortened version actually appears right in your opening stanza. That particular cliche really truly and deeply drives me mad. Ditto "strength and weaknesses".
What's with pheronomes (sic), Mr Fiery-Gnome? Try pheromones. Enough sillyness (sic) now. This kind of silliness is not to be expected from a poet of your standing.
As to content, my time is rather too limited to comment. I have bookmarked this and will be in touch shortly.
Diana
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
oh dear, Diana, ever heard of irony, or parody?
I am deeply aware of cliche and I know it is very risky using it, especially on people who lack humour. As to the fairy-moans, thanks for the spell check, should have done it myself.
I adore that phrase, "truly, madly, deeply" it's almost a post-modern statement in itself.
As to content, I look forward to it. Even silliness can have meaning. I know I have failed to appreciate depth in the work of a mutual acquaintance, but I hope my more serious works provide a counter-point.
Blue_Halcyon
14 years 3 months ago
ROFLMAO
hahaha lol Only you Jess, only you! hahaha lol
I love it!
Roscoe Lane
14 years 3 months ago
Disgusting,
Disgusting how can anyone not love a sweaty armpit, something wrong with you people. Love the subject not so sure about pace though. Regards Roscoe.. he..he.
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
you mean I should have gone straight for the pit?
No, seriously, I'm don't understand, shorter lines perhaps?
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
Rexona?
Parody from the comments on mine and done so well that I see it evoked discussion on armpits, may I say that waxing has just got the poor pit feeling very naked and left out indeed, this may help to put it back on the map LOL
lou
14 years 3 months ago
I like it
but i'm not sure why, as it is an odd little poem and quite revolting. Then again maybe that is why I like it. The fact that it isn't the average treatment of a love poem, pleases me. I can't detect anything that I feel needs improvement, except for the line ' truly, madly, deeply,' but may be that is because there was a film with that for a title, maybe you could say, ' penetrate her desire,' or ' penetrate with feeling,' or maybe not LOL !!
Lou
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
with "truly, madly, deeply"
I was pitting the cliche against the sweaty reality. Risky, sure, I guess it worked for some and not for others.
Frederick Kesner
14 years 3 months ago
what weirdness is this!
Maybe not... "stuck under your tongue or in between your teeth..."
graphic realities... I guess it's why some people have such
scenes behind closed doors, sometimes forgetting to draw the curtains.
Fresh sweat is not the worst, just the body's cooling mechanism...
it's the rancid, 'fermented' type that has interacted with micro-bacteria
that we have to watch out for.... I am sure you "allowed" this poem
to push buttons and sensibilities.... lol
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
I've always been fond of the taste of sweat,
tears, blood and certain other bodily excretions...
Part of what this poem is about is a protest against the sanitisation of love and human interaction in popular media.
Frederick Kesner
14 years 3 months ago
a little dirt
never hurt anyone... that's how kids build up immunity. I think it is also the basic principle of vaccines.
But I don't honestly think that bodily fluids are 'dirt' per se.... although some on certain conditions can get dirty.
I would vote for the human touch and a bit of snoggling any day! Yay for pheromones and such.
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
who mentioned dirt?
not me.
What's the best way to remove unwanted pubic hair?
Spit.
vexations10
14 years 3 months ago
Came here because I found your profile interesting
now, wow. I like how you push the envelope with this work. I understand the comment about he cliches but not overly bothered by them. I might look for something other than strengths and weaknesses. I like armpit in the title and would like to find something else for "lick." Perhaps armpit caress. Nonetheless a poem that provokes response and thought.
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
thanks vex,
as I explained above I used the cliches very consciously, to counterpoint the reality of human intercourse. If I change them, I would have to change them for other cliches.
Race_9togo
14 years 3 months ago
Jess
LMAO
Don't change a god-damned thing, man, except "sillyness" (spelling), 'cuz hey, been there, done that!
You told me the other day about the kind of poetry that you think rocks?
Well, guess what.
heehee.
Most excellent.
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
ta Jim and Ian
I think it's true that I'm at my best when I am at my most irreverent.
Candlewitch
14 years 3 months ago
Dear Jess,
I love it! Just the thought of putting my tongue to his hairy arm pit has me rolling on the floor laughing. I'm sure he wouldn't be surprised for long, though, as it is the kind of thing I might do. I'm having a life long affair with his gorgeous tummy hair! Thanks for this, Jess!
always, Cat
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
ta Xena and Cat
comma added, Xena,
am so glad to hear he wouldn't be surprised
Cat, I had always surmised
you were my kind of woman.
raj
14 years 3 months ago
Jess
the title caught my attention and the read had me in splits......but tell you what you have come up with a lovely prescription or shall i say a litmus test?...lol..
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
glad to hear it raj, thanks
my very favourite poetry says something serious without taking itself too seriously.
but sorry, I don't understand, a prescription or litmus test for what?
raj
14 years 3 months ago
obviously for "do you love
obviously for "do you love her"...
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
read the poem again.
"Obviously" I gave the answer.
pleiades
14 years 3 months ago
ha! an ex used to do exactly
ha! an ex used to do exactly that ...loved natural body
odours and the like
would prefer me unwashed to washed
you'd think i would have found it a bit gross ...anything
but, people ...anything but
truly, madly, deeply ...cliched perhaps, but who cares?
of my all-time favourite phrases
not a thing about this write i don't like
and not a thing i'd change
cheers
p
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
ta p. why do you suppose the Aussies I've showed this to
really get it, far more, and with far less cringe factor, than most Americans and British?
Are we less body-shamed and more sensual?
Or just grungy?
pleiades
14 years 3 months ago
"Are we less body-shamed and
"Are we less body-shamed and more sensual?
Or just grungy?"
all of the above ...and then some
(being an aussie rocks)
Rottiestyl
14 years 1 month ago
The title drew me in - I
The title drew me in - I wrinkled a nose for a split second only because I wasn't expecting what you threw out there. I see it this way - forget the damn reference to licking of armpits (I am referring to some of the comments) It's about true love. You say you "love" someone with body and soul? well, as you have used your Jess-ness to perfection again, is the armpit not a part of body? If you'd give a kidney why not? I get it.
Kim
(V)
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
oh you totally got it!
That is what this poem poem is about, your even took it further by the idea of giving a kidney.
You are hot! I wish I could afford to visit you in America or vice versa.
Rottiestyl
14 years 1 month ago
Then stop talking about
Then stop talking about leaving the site damn it! I love your stuff Jess - you know that just your reviewing blade can be a bit to sharp at times but I ignore it, lol! You know I love ya!
Kim
(V)
Kailashana2
14 years 1 month ago
I never replied to this? OMG
I never replied to this? OMG! Mea culpa mea maxima culpa. ;-)
Now what can I say that hasn't said before? You need a woman. Bad.
~A
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
Dearest Anna
All the the women I need are women like you and Kim. Real women with real meaningful dialogues.
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
But a fuck would be nice
now and then.
Rottiestyl
14 years 1 month ago
You did NOT just say that!
You did NOT just say that! LMAO!!
Kim
(V)
Kailashana2
14 years 1 month ago
Thank you Jess, I
Thank you Jess, I sooooooooooooooooooo needed that..............laugh.
My indomitable Jess.
~A
wesley snow
13 years 6 months ago
As the Lady said... revolting,
but a fresh perspective on the love poem. Don't forget that sweat is urine. Not joking. It's the same fluid from the same system.
I didn't have a problem with the so called "cliche" lines, but then I used them often. Usually in reverse order... such as "barrel, lock and stock".
wesley
weirdelf
13 years 6 months ago
mmm
looks like urine, smells like urine, tastes like urine, lucky I didn't sweat it.
William Saint George
13 years 6 months ago
Delightful
First, I loved the brevity. Then, as a love poem, it's a rather brave one, and straight to the point too.
weirdelf
13 years 6 months ago
thankyou
good sir
William Saint George
13 years 6 months ago
O and one thing...
You didn't f***ing swear in that one!
O and for vaginesque, please use it in a poem, pretty please...
weirdelf
13 years 6 months ago
oo
I must have forgot to put it in.