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Jan 18, 2011
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Life
I came from nowhere
In my dream
Or should I say,
Nightmare; but things
Are a lot smoother.
The pit I have dug in
Came forth with flowers
When I woke up.
Life's but a shallow grave
In the tomb of reality.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Dennis Go
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks Jayne
I just heard that neopoet is up and I really do must be with you guys again. :)
I prefer the "When I woke up" thing. The "then" would change the entire scenario.
Thanks for the suggestion.
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 5 months ago
Dennis
I love the reference to life is a tomb, because we all live encased in our own thoughts. there is a great loneliness to that situetion which we live everyday.
this is an excellent poem. the shallowness of life truly feels like it is easy to dig and find the reality. So the flowers is a great metaphor that shows its beauty
great job!!
Eddie C.
Dennis Go
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks Eduardo
Thanks a lot for taking the time and commenting on my work.
Dennis Go
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks Shirley
Nice to be back! It's nice to see you again. :)
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
hi Dennis, I was pleased to
hi Dennis, I was pleased to see your name, welcome back!
For me, it would work better if you personalized the end line.
My life a shallow grave
in the tomb, I find reality.
~
Dennis Go
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks Kailashana
Nice to see you again.
Thanks for the suggestion, but I like the end lines as it is. :)
Dennis Go
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks Lonnie!
Thanks Lonnie!